Saturday 1 March 2008

ILUG 08 a guide to Irish Idiom for our non-irish guests Part 3

Gentle reader and assembled geeks, the night draws to a close and your author finds himself somewhat indisposed to writing anything that resembles sense .o0( so whats new there?) Is started a entry on how to get the YUI graph-thingie to display a widget of the number of mails in, but to use the vernacular … I couldn’t be arsed…

Such is the effect of Kopraberg Pear Cider … lovely stuff but falling down water to be sure!

So I am going to close the day with another wander into the tips and traps of being a guest from a far off country at ILUG. No introduction to Irishness would be complete without mentioning “culchies”. Culchies are rural folk. They used to smell vaguely of urine,not I hasten to add from any form of incontinence but rather from their predilection for Tweed underwear. The manufacture of Tweed uses copious amounts of stale urine to fix the dye and when damp the aforementioned underwear gives off a faint aroma of a gentleman’s toilet.

Imagine the scene, you have just finished a marvelously enlightening and fact filled hour of how to get wizzbangery into Notes Applications. You are filled with a sense of well-being when you are approached by Noogerty O’Toogerty Senior Web developer at Molly Malone’s Shillaleaghs and Turf Spades Manufacturing Limited of Knobmekilty, Country Leitrim ….

NO’T: Fair play big mon, youse a quaere lad and no mistake!
I wasnae gaying to get outa my scratcher t’day but thon was quare an gud!
See yon AJAX yoke, I ner unnerstood yon till yor wee sessun!
Sure if I clock you anon I’ll stand you a wee drop in your haun.

I say! Well done! I now respect you as an expert in your chosen field. I had considered not getting out of bed today, but your presentation was that good it has made the effort worth while. I was totally ignorant of AJAX Frameworks and how they could be used in my own applications until your presentation.My gratitude knows no bounds and if we bump into one another later I will surely provide you with a small libation.

YOU : errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr thank you.

NO’T: sure you wone take me as an eejit if I as you a wee question?

I hope this isn’t forward but may I ask you a small question?

YOU : Ahmmmmmmmmmmm

NO’T: I hae a biffo daying some coding fur me an he is as thick as my oulwan’s custard mind you he’s chape! Heel ner get the hang of thaun wayouta daycent buk, cudya recommend wan?

I have a person of somewhat limited intelligence from county offaly doing some coding work for me at the minute. In fact his lack of skill is directly proportional to the viscosity of my old mothers custard which was very viscous indeed! He may be stupid but he is cheap...He will never understand AJAX without a decent reference book. Could you perchance recommend one?
[*BIFFO = Big Ignorant F****r from Offaly]

YOU: [looking wildly around for someone to help] .. Errrrrr… Ummmmm.. Ahhhhhhh….

NO’T: here now! I hay ta go an get a hang sangwedge anna pak o’tayto from youn wee hoor
Afore these hal-yans ate all the scran. You hae a think an I’ll be back ina tick

Oh wait a moment I must go and grab one of those delicious ham sandwiches and some chees and onion chips from that most attractive young lady before these other dedicated system professionals finish them all off. You have a think about my last question and I will return forthwith.

NO’T scuttles off in the general direction of the food and you go and hide in the toilet.

To avoid such a calamitous incident Mr Mooney and his merry band of helpers will be glad to act as interpreters. You will be provided with a small “bleed-yellow” flag which if you wave wildly above your head will act as a sign that you need rescued.



Vince said...

Thanks, I feel a lot better already ;) said...

Your very Welcome :D

Sean Burgess said...

FYI, it's spelled Kopparberg and I can't wait to get my hand on one.

Steve McDonagh said...


Ooops thing where very very blurry at the time. The local "offy" (liqor store to you USians) had a special offer 6 Apple, 6 Pear , 6 Mixed Berry 500ml bottles for £20 .. and i do so love a bargain :-) Needless to say one of each had to be tasted, they were all nice so a second round was imbibed just to be sure I didn't have a favorite. By then my spelling center had taken a huff and had gone to complain to my limbic system's supervisor.

OOO thanks for the link on your blog :) nice to know my poor attempt at wit is being followed :)

OOO yes another thing a "Black Velvet" made with half Pear Koppraberg and half Guinness is LOVELY and could be drunk even by a wuss like you ;)

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