Friday 29 February 2008

ILUG 08 a guide to Irish Idiom for our non-irish guests Part 2

Gentle reader we move on to some situational examples that you may,as an ILUG attendee, encounter. Dublin, as indeed most of Ireland, is well equipped with pubs. Pubs are an essential part of Irish life and not just for the disposal of brain cells. The are “Public Houses” and as such are an extension of your home. They provides a wide range of homely activities like conversation, eating, drinking, dancing, singing and even on occasions sleeping. It is vital that you have at your disposal the where with all to truly enjoy the experience.



Will ye go fur a jar?

Would you like to go to the pub for a pint?

Will we go for a few scoops?

Perhaps the trip to the museum could be done via O’Malley’s Pub?

Are ya on for one?

Do you feel up to the consumption of one pint? *
*Note this is the use of the Irish plural form of “one”

Responding to the above these are acceptable responses

A bird never flew on one wing

Yes Please


Yes lets do so right away

Im yer mon

What a wonderful idea please lead the way

As long as there are no culchies

I am undecided, can you assure me the conversation will be sparkling and not be about sheep or cows?


I am half way there already why are you so slow?

It is vital that you know the scale of inebriation so as to be able to place your self on it should you be asked your current state by a local … our ye rightly?

Well on

I am relaxing and getting into the swing of the evening

Well oiled

I am now fully relaxed and willing to entertain conversation

Half pissed

I am now so relaxed that my “talking shite” brake has been released


Freely talking shite


Talking shite to some damned attractive 18 year old ladies


Surprised that the attractive 18 year old ladies have wandered off


Talking shite to some passing polish tourists


Sudden need to sit down whilst drinking


As your Pint to Piss ratio has now passed 1:1 Beer looses its charm and that bottle of Bushmills is calling you seductively.

Bolloxed / Bollixed

The need to eat a 13 Chilli vindaloo appears in your mind


Legs appear to belong to someone else as does your mouth after the 13 chill vindaloo!


All higher brain centres have shut down to prepare for the morning

A special note to speakers – it is strongly suggested that you aim no higher that “Pissed” if your session is first the next morning.. But if you succumb to more that Pissed, buckets and sawdust are provided behind the lecterns in all session rooms.

There is a special tourist attraction to be aware of now before you attempt any ascent of the inebriation scale because it is easy to miss it. The Liffey Magic Bus Company is a fantastic if highly mysterious service run by Bord Failte that between 10pm and 11pm most nights visits all the pubs in the city (usually when you are in the toilet after your 8th pint) and it removes all the unattractive women / men (*delete as gender or sexual orientation demands) and restocks the pub with sparkling witty, stunners ! This is a free service provided to make your stay more enjoyable.

We want you to enjoy your stay in Ireland so I do need to stress the importance of adhering to the new
GUSSET* Act 2007
*(Gratuitous Use (of) Stereotypic Speech (by) Eejit Tourists)

Use of the following phrases is now strictly controlled :

Top o’ the morning!
To be sure to be sure!
You will, you will, you will, you will!

An undercover branch of the Gardai, the “Gusset Guards” (or “panty liners” as they are known) enforce this act. They are empowered to give you an on the spot fine of 50 Euros for the slightest infringement unless you can provide proof you or your parents were actually born in County Leitrim OR you are in fact a leprechaun ..... You have been warned!!

More later.


Ed said...

Enjoying the series, mate said...


Why thank you ~bows~ tis always good to get feedback of that sort!


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