Wild Garlic, Winkling, Bikes,Beer and other items of mystic significance

Hail assembled geek, nerds and allied trades!

OOOO what a weekend! It is Tuesday and I am only now returning to a point of what passes for normality. I look for no sympathy as it was all self inflicted and more importantly it was FUN!

Chris Coates was first to arrive on Thursday and after a trip to Portstewart to watch the final practise and have a brisk walk along the prom. He was introduced the culinary joys of Jimmy Lavery's chip van's portions of fish chips and curry sauce. Since we were planning an early start for some touristy things it was off to bed quite early.

Come Friday morning, the sun was streaming through the windows, but the wind was brisk and there was a hint of rain, mind you it is the less-rainy season in NornIron. So Chris and I set out to explore the local. First off was the Mussenden demense and the high point for Chris was the swaths of wild garlic in the black glen. (For those that don't know Chris, he is the Dutch King of Beetroot and Corgettee cultivation.) Although considered a bit of a weed and an "interesting smell" in the glens and forests of the North it is not that common in Chris's stomping grounds.

From there we moved East ahead of a rain cloud that thankfully was slower than my mothers Nissan Micra into Coleraine for a cup of hot coffee in Ground and then off around the coast road through Portrush to Portballintrae were we "Winkled".

Oh please do stop tittering at the back! This is a Winkle

and we spent a hour or so winkling in the rock pools and seaweed of the Portballintrea sea shore. To be honest I havent actually done that since my son was very small and it turns out that Chris hadn't done it since he was very young.

Having collected a bag full of winkles we headed up the road, again a few hours ahead of the rain, to the giant's causeway. Were we had some lunch at "The nook"

a nice wee hostelry at the main gate of the Causeway marred only by a large sign about the open fire that informs patrons that there is "No Spitting Allowed". Chris and I took a pint and sat outside and watched the world (including a very fetching baby pink suzuki 750) go by.

Having seen that we "did" the causeway which was full of tourists. YEAH! for the Norn Iron economy, BOO! for the atmosphere that brings. The silence of the savage cliffs and strange rock formations is kinda diminished by the clatter of thousands of camera shutters.

Off again on out travels to White Park Bay

Where we saw a wild stoat, beachcombed and found a "perhaps" worked flint from the late stoneage.

A quick visit to Balintoy harbour

Where the wee cafe that serves the BEST Rhubarb Crumble and proper custard was full of late middle aged BMW driving bikers. Their bikes were experiencing the first drops of rain in their pristine shop shiney lives.

Or trip ended in Ballycastle where we ended the trip with a visit to Marconi's cottage

Where the aforementioned Mr Marconi (whose mother was a Jameson of the whiskey fame), may or may not have made his first call over water and from there we went back home in the pouring rain which had eventually caught us up.

Chris then boiled and ate his winkles with must relish and marvelled at how much more up and down's there were in Ireland compared to Holland.

Bill Buchan wasn't due to arrive until 11pm so we adjourned to Yokos Coleraine's only Japanese Noodle restaurant for a nice meal and a few beers whilst we waited for Bill to arrive, which he duely did at 11ish and he bravely attempted to catch up with Chris and I ..... He almost did.

Up early, if a little jaded, breakfasted and down to Portstewart where it was raining so Chris bought a very fetching NW200 paddock jacket to keep the rain off ... the rain promptly stopped. :-)

We waited for the races to start in the balcony bar of the York Hotel, whose owners had opened nice an early for folk like ourselves.

The races started, then stopped then started again and the day developed into a succession of racing glitches, it was cold, damp in places and not terribly exciting from our or any vantage point. Thankfully the day was rescued by the appearance of a friend of Chris's one Martin Presley, whose sartorial bravery knows no bounds in that he was wearing SHORTS!!!! Martin being a sharply dressed and eminently nice chap complimented our party perfectly and we drank beer and talked of the healing powers of herbs, whether I look like Eric Pollard from Emmerdale (a UK soap) and the election of Martin as a GONAD. This continued until my son Niall who happened to be around at the time managed to get his ancient father and his younger but equally confused chums a taxi home. Kudos to the SPROG and thank you Anne the taxi lady.

Home and bed.

Sunday .... well it happened I think .. I know there was a Saturday and there was a Monday so Sunday must have happened. I have vague memories of making breakfast and waving g'bye to Bill and Chris when they left to get Plane and Ferry home.

As a bike racing day, frankly it could have been way better, but those are the chances you take and it is better that we the viewers are bored than risks are taken with the riders safety. One the other hand I had a great time with some great friends both old and new which I would have not missed for the world.

Thanks chaps for comming :-) lets do it again next year !

PS My Mum (in whose house we slept and breakfasted) thinks you are cool too ;-)

NW200 only a week away - any Noterati around join us for some beer and bikes

Well it is only a week away.. this time next week 100,000 -> 150,000 people will either be on their way or will have arrived in Coleraine for the 80th anniversary of the North West 200 road races. The NW200 is one of the premier motorcycling road racing race meetings, along with the Isle of Man TT the Ulster Grand Prix, Manx Grand Prix and Macau

The main differences between the NW200 and say the British MotoGP or World Superbikes is that the NW200 is that it is (a) run on public roads and (b) is free to attend. The race supports itself with sale of programmes, admission to the pits , car parks and sponsorship. Sort of open source motorcycling. ;-)

The NW200 course is one of the fastest racing circuits in the world .. on some of the straights speeds in excess of 200mph are captured in the speed trap.

The first practice sessions start on Tuesday, and if we get half the racing we got last year it will be a brilliant day!

This year Chris Coates and Bill Buchan are joining me and if there are any Notesy/Domino in the area on Friday or Saturday, drop me an email (my address is on the left) and lets get together for a beer.

Here is a taster of what to expect.. this is the first superbike race from last year.

Why I hate i-fecking-phones and it's not what you think

Because, gentler reader, to use it in car you have to let go of the wheel with both hands! (Well for some users anyway)

This is going to be a BIG rant cos I am well past incandescent and now into the far ultraviolet of annoyance.

I make no apologies other than I may slide into rather painful invective from time to time.

I was, as is my wont, commuting home from work. Well it is not a real commute per se as I only live 4 miles from work so I suppose "going home" is a better description. As usual I was mounted on my trusty motorcycle as I have for nearly every day for the last nearly 30 years. Now as a motorcyclist that has survived that long on 2 wheels I am used to the frankly appalling lack of skill exhibited by those that pilot moron-carriages, sorry, car drivers.

I have both been taught and learnt the hard way how to drive defensively. This is a skill all motorcyclists pick up quickly, we have to because there is something that happens when a human being gets behind the wheel of a car.

I believe I know why there is this supposed affectation with cup holders in cars, they aren't cup holders at all ARE THEY???? They are skillfully marketed platforms to rest brains on whilst the owners drive. Just get in, buckle up open the skull and take fecking brains out and then they too can sit in air conditioned smegging luxury whilst their owner bereft of any intellect, motor or social skills what so ever tries to mow down all 2 legged and 2 wheel road users with your fecking bull bar fitted Chelsea fecking tractors. If I hear another cheery "sorry mate didn't see you" as some bollix drives away in a choking miasma of complete pillock-ery!

What the feck do they need bollxing bull bars for when the nearest it gets get to a smegging bull is the butchery counter at fecking Sainsbury's when doing the bloody weekly shopping? 4 Wheel Drive...?? 4 wheel drive...?? what the F**k for ? In case the tarmac gets a wee bit slippy ??? who knows. I don't really care that much about those wheels. Its the ONE wheel grasped (or not) by the kamakasi twonk that might just kill me , that's the one I would like to be under control.

I digress.. there was me on my way home, in the "slow" lane of the dual carriage way the fast lane being full of SUV driving relatives of the banjo player from Deliverance. At the end of the dual carriage way is a roundabout with 4 exits and a big and i mean BIG flowerbed in the middle of it. I am toodling along, being very careful to be aware of the tonnage around me because I don't have airbags and roll cages and crumple zones and fecking cerebellum holding pop out thingies to protect me.

Beside me is a lady of around 30 in her "cotton candy" pink Toyota Rav4 (with bull bars) she is steering the car at 40mph in traffic with her FECKING KNEES! One of her hands is busy holding an iPhone balanced on the sterring wheel hub, the other is fiddling with the screen with her index finger.

My complete twonk radar kicks in and I slow down to avoid being beside or even worse infront of her. This is much to the annoyance of the Nissan 9000hp 14 ton IMASTUDBUTIHAVEAVERYSMALLWILLIE V12-7 seater MoronCarrier behind me who blares his horn in irritation. No great problem for me.. but for the cotton-candy-Rav4-driving-iPhone-using-brain-dead-zombie-princess it came as a bit of a shock.... so she braked.... this necessitated moving her knees away from the wheel to enagage both clutch and brake.. OH DEAR WHAT A QUANDRY!!!! Drop the iPhone and steer or pray to whatever celestial barnacle god that Pink Rav4 owning arseholes pray to for assistance?

Sadly the barnacle god wasn't listening (like most gods) and the 4 wheel drive 2 ton Barbie wagon slewed to the left, right into my lane which I had vacated not 15 seconds before. Thankfully I was well back by this stage. She bounced off the left hand kerb and headed back to her own lane which was now sadly full of 18 wheeler truck that had slowed to negotiate the roundabout. At this point I think she must have dropped her iPhone because back into my lane she came, this woman was harder to get rid of than a dose of Herpes. It would appear that having to drop your iPhone in the middle of browsing the web, doing your biorhythms or checking on your Big Smegging Brother SMS messages (£1.50each ... 20p of which goes to chaaaaaaaarity, Text "F**KOFF U SAD W**KERS" to 28110 to end messages at any time) has the side effect of making you temporaily unable to use brakes, because she drove straight out onto the roundabout narrowly missing a cyclist as she did. She mounted the kerb that surrounds the BIG flowerbed in the middle of the roundabout and ended up parked amidst the pansey and petunias!

Getting out of her car to survey the damage what did she do ?.. she went looking for the Fecking iPhone ... not did i hurt anyone ... did I cause other collisions .. did I damage my car.. but where the f**K is my sodding iPhone!!!!!

Oh how I laughed..!

Beware iPhone users in Northern Ireland ... if i see you caressing your touch sensitive screens when you should be avoiding putting me in hospital (or in a coffin) I will follow you home and jump up and down on the fecking thing in my steel shod biker boots until it is nowt but a pile of stylish crushed but very sharp bits and then I will insert each jagged piece up YOUR ARSE until you learn that being a dickend results in not being able to sit or shite without bleeding for a month!

End of rant .... Normal service will now be resumed.

A Sunday Evening in May

It was such a lovely evening and next week is probably going to be a female-pitbull-with-PMT I took the opportunity to take the bike out for a bit of a whirl around the Ulster May country side. I took the cam with me to record the cloudless sky.

This is my baby, like me a bit long in the tooth but feisty and reliable and wonderful in the country side around here where there are few straight roads and lots and lots of wee twisty ones! (click on the piccies below if you want closer look)










As you can see the good weather has brought out the crowds in force. Such a shame it is normally such a nice peaceful beach but at least you get to see a cloudless blue irish sky!.








Were it not for the gorse (yellow) and the may thorn (white) being in bloom I would say it was July.

Long may this spring last!

It's North West 200 Motorcycle Races Weekend

Gentle reader. I may have mentioned it before , but if it has slipped under your radar I am a bit of a motorcycle nut. I ride them, I lust after them and I enjoy watching them go very very fast. Which is a good thing because every May around the roads between Coleraine, Portrush and Portstewart the local Motor club runs the world famouse North west 200 races.

Tonite was the last practise night and a lovely evening it was too, sun, light breezes an almost perfect night. However it was marred by a "coming togehter" at 160mph of two of the 250cc riders. Robert Dunlop (brother of the many times world champion Joey) was seriously injured and another rider is reported to have a broken leg but is in no danger. The races on Saturday will not be the same without Robert but I am not alone in sending him loads of positive get well soon vibes in the hope he will be back next year fit and well.

On Saturday the roads will be closed at 10am and the races begin at 11am there is a full card of racing up until early evening. 150,000 to 250,000 people turn up and if the weather stays fair it is a grand day out. Best of all it's free, gratis, zilch just turn up and watch, what could be finer is you are a bike geek?

There is a really good BBC page here with a walk thru of the course (filmed on Tuesday this week! Look folks SUN in Ireland in MAY!!!!) click on the flags on the couse map and you get a wee minute of words from Philip McCallen (sorry no subtitles for the USians but he is not that broad you cannae understand him)

Needless to say I'll be there and may take some photo's so prepare to be bored by various picture of hotiron....hmmm i can smell the heady mixture of 2stroke and rubber bikes from the study (mind you i only live a mile from the course) ...Fantastic!

Oh and Bill as a dyed in the wool biker you might be interested in the fact that you can watch it on the BEEB - live streaming no less .... http://www.bbc.co.uk/northernireland/nw200/watch/coverage.shtml

** Update ** Robert Dunlop died of his injuries this evening @ 22:20. He will be sadly missed but long remembered by the fans of those that race between "the hedges".

I soooooo want one .... NOW!

Go here and drool , well if you like very very very fast things that aren't planes,
do 340mph and get 100mpg at 100mph (get the green bit in).. I have to have one! After twenty [cough] years of marriage I am sort of entitled to 3 seven year itches, could I persuade her?