Spark Sessions are GREAT!

I hear those of you not conference goers mutter "Spark Sessions - what are they?"

Well one of the the wonderful ladies that comprise the "Nerd Girls" - Gab Davis persauded me to do one at BLUG and then again more recently at UKLUG. I am not sure who introduced them or their provenance before I got involved but the every lovely Gab is the one poking grumpy gits like me to get off their arses and do something that is different and most importantly inspiring.

For such is the reason Spark Session exist - to inspire.

Think of them as little 5-6 minute TED sessions but done by ordinary folk like me and the hard part is you have a maximum of 1 slide and that generally has your name on it. So there is no hiding infront of your projected content. There is just you and your audience which even for a seasoned presenter can be - well - daunting!

My first attempt was at BLUG and i have to say that although I started well I came up a bit short on both time and inspiration so I changed my topic for UKLUG and on this occasion managed to get some inspiration in and brought the duration up a bit too, so there is hope that Gab will ask me to do it again at the next conference I am at.

I have to say that the numbers in attendance at Spark Sessions is going up too, so we must be doing something right ;-) and if you are attending a LUG or Connect and you see "Spark Sessions" come along or even better put your name forward. I can recommend it :)

My topic on this occasion was "Volunteering", now there is an old army axiom that reads something like "Never Volunteer for anything" and to be fair in some circumstances this can be true but importantly not all the time.

When you voluteneering YOU as a person can make a difference, it may appear to be a small insignificant difference at the time but it IS a difference and all those wee differences will stack up to make a whole hell of a lot of difference!

Volunteering is not a one way street where you help someone or something and get nothing in return, in my experience the volunteer gets as much back and in some cases more than they put in.

Much has been said about the Olympic volunteers, indeed our own Tim Clark and Sue Smith were one of the many folk that gave of their time freely in the hope they would add to the success of the games. I can say without fear of contradiction that did just that in spades!! I would also warrant if asked both Sue and Tim would say they got as much back from the experience as they put in .. if not more.

For my UK readers I have a challenge it is only a little itzy bitzy challenge that will require you to give a couple of hours a week and a couple of hours is nothing ... a trip to the pub perhaps ... an evening of really bad TV. Nip over to the DO IT web site and type in your post code and have a look at what is available in your area.. they also provide a tab for "Volunteering from my computer" !

Go on .. have a go ..and HAVE FUN!

** Edit ** Thanks to Chris [IdoNotes] Millar you can see lots of Spark Sessions on YouTube .. here
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL95028A08F0E8B934&feature=plcp

The UK Insurers MarkerStrudy Group are a shower of useless prats

68 Days ago I was knocked off my motorcycle at a junction by a car driver who managed to have his eyes closed. He must have because (a) I wasn't moving (b) I am a largish chap on a largish bike and (c) he was driving on the wrong side of the road.

Once discharged from hospital I phoned my insurer (Equity Red Star) and reported the accident gave them all the details and they had a form with me the following day less than 24 hour later. Because my statement and the police accident report absolved me of any blame they recorded the details of my claim and because I was Third Party Fire and Theft insured and not fully comprehensive yet had legal cover got me in contact with a solictor.

One week after the accident my solictor had been given all the relevant paper work by me, the doctors and the bike's mechanic. I was ready to start the process of getting back on the road.

However The MarketStudyGroup who were the insurers of the driver that hit me have a policy they will take no phone calls or emails about claims you MUST connect with them via snail mail. This was duely done, and done again , and done again.

Not a f**king peep out of them, no loss adjustor to see the wreckage of bike, helmet, jacket, trousers and phone. No request for my medical records or interest in the 3 times a week trip to the medical center to get my leg wound dressed. Nothing. Nada, Zip not a fecking sausage.

Then my Solictor sent them a sternly worded letter threatening court action, not to get them to process my claim the action was JUST to get them to respond to his requests.

Then today 68 days after the accident over two months later I get a form from them in the post!

68 Days? 68 Days?

It does not take 68 days to stick 3 pieces of paper in an envelope, address it and stick it in the post.
It does not take 68 days to correctly administer a process that takes around 2 minutes and thats if you write slowly with a crayon and are not to clever with your letters.

To add insult to injury the covering letter says
"[we] will endeavour to settle this claim quickly without the need for expensive court action"
emblassoned on the cover.

Sorry Markerstudy Group you do NOT! You make the slightest effort to get off your arse and post a form into a labour of Hercules. Your endevaours to date make continental drift seem brisk.


If you are a UK driver and are thinking of insuring with the Markerstudy Group PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE reconsider as it seems they really could not be arsed doing anything other than taking your money and laughing all the way to the bank!

#fail#fail#fail#fail#fail#fail#fail#fail

All the dead voices

Just finished watching a BBC drama called "Five minutes of heaven" on BBC2 and although it had dark,sombre overtones it has left me more positive about this troubled little country I live in.

The drama revolves around two men whose lives intersected briefly in the late 70's when the one of the men murders the other's brother in a sectarian tit-for-tat murder.

Now I realise that many of my readers come from outside Northern Ireland and you probably don't know more than what the media has served up about "the troubles" through the years. Basically it came down to two tribes who hated each other with a ferocity that knew no bounds. The dogma of the two tribes was so strong that when strangers met they would either politely dance around looking for clues as to the tribe you belonged to, or they would ask bluntly "What are you?". It was and in some cases what tribe you were in was more important than who you actually were.

One tribe were mainly protestant and loyal to the Crown (ie the UK) the other mainly catholic and republican (ie wanting a united Ireland). The warrior elite of both tribes segregated themselves into ghettos and regarded the other side with a hatred that was as dark as it was palpable. To these "warriors" simply being in the other tribe was ample reason for your execution. It has been my experience that reason plays little part in proceedings that are driven by hatred fuelled by religion and I have long since stopped looking for it.

The drama this evening made me look at the effects "the troubles" had on me, my friends and those people I met along the way who were involved more intimately with the machinations of whatever tribe they chose to be in and the continuing effects it is having today.

The story went like this, some time in the 70's a protestant 16 year old goes to the UVF commander in his estate and volunteers to kill a catholic. There had been a spate of Tit-for-tat killings and some Protestant workers had been threatened by the Provisional IRA. The Protestant UVF then selected at random a Catholic worker from the same business, gave him a warning to quit and a couple of days later sent the 16 year old to kill him ... which he duly did. The killing was witnessed by the dead man's younger brother.

We zoom back up to the present, the killer and the young boy are now men. The killer served 12 years for his crimes and then was released under license as part of the peace agreement. A TV crew approach the two men with a view to making a program about "truth and reconciliation" and the two men agree to meet.

The program is available on iPlayer and stars Liam Neeson and Jimmy Nesbit, if you didn't get a chance to see it.. I urge you to.. it is not pleasant and the ending you expect may not be exactly the way you expect it to be.

For the first time in many years here was a drama that had hope amidst the violence and hate. The hope is that while all the dead voices are still there, their cries as strident as they ever were but instead of crying for vengeance perhaps they are crying for peace?

A mediation for the solstice

It is the 20th December, tomorrow is the solstice, the shortest day, when the pulse of the world reaches it slowest and then quickens imperceptibly. It is a time when we welcome the comming of the new year by remembering the passage of the old. Hopefully learning from our mistakes and looking forward to the ones we will make in the next 12 months. ;-)

This is the mid point in the ancient Celtic quarter of Samhain, traditionally a time when ancestors recent and far removed are remembered. All the seasons were, it is believed, mapped to an "age" of man. Samhain equates to "old age" a time when wisdom, freedom of spirit and clarity are at their height. So as winter turns and and looks forward to the returning warmth of the sun, perhaps we should do the same ... some thoughts on how I might to do that.

Practice introspection, mediate, contemplate or just take a quiet time once a day.

Shift my burdens by doing something about them or by giving up the unnecessary.

Remember my absent friends and family separated by distance or death and celebrate what they have brought to the person that is "me".

Go for a walk outside at least once a day and allow winter to cleanse me as it cleanses the hedgerows in preperation for the explosion of spring.

Renew the source of my creativity and try be creative in different ways.

To all my readers, friends, family and all those people I ranted at, scolded and waved fingers at this past year I send my wishes that you all have a peaceful, prosperous and joyful holiday of whatever flavour you follow.

2009 here we come ready or not! :-)

Peace

Steve

Of sherry magnets, half hung McNaughton, time travelling cars,faery thorns and a November Walk

Gentle reader,

It is the weekend again and as I have had rants both last week and the week before I have deliberately had a quiet weekend so that this post will be less acerbic, I probably wont need to use the word F**K at all!

It being halloween (Samhain as it is know in the Celtic tradition) and even though I am a big skeptic when it comes to the supernatural, it is best not to press your luck were the faery are concerned. Take John Delorean, he of the "Back to the Future" car fame. Now his aluminium sports car was manufactured in Belfast.

Any of you that just said A-LOU-MIN-UM please repeat 10 times AL-YOU-MIN-E-UM! Everywhere else except USia and Canada can manage to put the "i" in ium so there will be NO exceptions on an Irish web site!.

During the building of the plant he was advised not to uproot a fairy thorn. A faery thorn is usually an ancient Hawthorn bush found in place that normally you wouldnt find it, like the middle of a field rather than in the hedge line. Being a smart,savy, secular McMerican Mr Delorean scoffed at the warnings of ill luck that would follow any interference with this ancient thorn tree. {link} So mess with it he did and look what happened to him and his company!

I may be a skeptic atheist ... but ... I make a point of not messing with the faery or sibh as they are known in Gaelic. (Sibh is pronouced Shee , as in Banshee which means "faery woman" in Irish).

Where was I ?... oh yes ... I had a quiet Friday and apart from a dander down the town on Saturday for coffee and a bowl of very fine Aubergine and Roast Pepper soup. The Fireworks came and went and the gray man was kept at bay for another year. The gray man is the ghostly personification of the "great hunger"that followed the Irish potatoe famine in the 1800's. At or around harvest, when the summer is dying, is generally a time to remember our own personal histories and the echoes that sing to us from the flames of an open fire on a November evening. I hope than each of you in your own way have kept the grey man and his dark hunger from your door this coming year :-)

So, Sunday rolled around and while not up early or anything remotely like it, I did manage to put the Sunday dinner in the slow cooker (my own version of Irish Stew) and pull my dodgey battery from the bike and set it up for a good long deep charge. Having done all that I prepared to go for my daily brisk walk. It being a pleasant autumn afternoon I decided to combine, forest, lake, river and sea all in one walk, so I jumped in the car and headed for the Mussenden Demesne, which is about 4 miles up the road past the turn to Castlerock.


This is place with a rather uniquely "irish" history. The whole demesne was built in 1785 by the 4th Earl of Bristol, Bishop of Derry and sherry magnet, Frederick Augustus Harvey who was ... well at least a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic. There are the ruins of his house (Donwhill castle as it is known) and on the edge of a 120 foot cliff above the north Atlantic there is a small round building that bears a striking resemblance to the Temple Of Vesta in Rome. This is the library the bold bishop built for his cousin Frideswide Mussenden for whom he had the hots but alas she was already married isn't that always the way! Anyway there it stands some 223 years later a testament to one man's horniness for a lassie he couldn't have!

Regardless of the reason for building it has a view from Inishowen in the west to Fair head in the east, which is most of the north coast of Ireland in one panoramic gob smack of a view and well worth the walk if you happen to be in the area.

The estate straddles the main road and on the other side from the temple is a park now set aside for horse, cyclist and walker. This park has at it's centre a hill call Dungannon Hill. As hills go it is not a particularly big hill but it has, so the local archaeologists say, a 6000 year history. Like Mountsandel in Coleraine and the sand hills in Portstewart this was a place in which our ancestors set up their homes and lived of the land and sea shore. Today it is a place of ancient trees, leaf blown trails, small rivers, a ruined mill and a small shallow lake.


My parents used to bring us here here on family picnics when I was small as there were trees to climb, streams to splash in or create damn pools to keep the sticklebacks and small trout we caught Later I camped there on Dungannon hill with my teenage chums living off small trout from the streams and any unfortunate bunny that would cross our path. Later still it was a place where we would "walk out" with our current sweethearts, hand in hand kicking trough the leaves. This is one of those places where the lives of the visitors have left echoes of laughter in every nook and cranny.

It is a managed park, but whilst the paths are kept clear and easy to walk on, the forest itself is left pretty much alone. If a tree dies or is blown over it is not tidied up, it lies where it falls. Some would say this makes the place look untidy, for me I prefer it more "natural" :-)

Right at the end of the park is a road , where oh so I am told, an infamous criminal was caught in the eighteenth century. This sad we tale concerns Miss Ann Knox the daughter of Andrew Knox of Prehen House (near Derry) an influential and well to do gentleman. The man was John McNaughton a member of the same social class as Knox. Now John fell in love with Ann and tried to be near her at all times as one smitten often does. Andrew Knox opposed any marriage and both Andrew and it has to be said Ann wasn't that fussed about the attentions of John either.

McNaughton claimed that they had been secretly married. So Andrew Knox increased his efforts to protect his daughter and eventually, in 1760, set out to transport Ann to Dublin in a coach, protected by armed outriders.

John McNaughton and several associates concealed themselves on a little road. They stopped the coach and a short discussion ensued, followed by gunfire. McNaughton fired at the coach occupied by Andrew Knox and his daughter, and Ann died from the bullet. McNaughton fled. Armed searchers initially were unable to find him as the locals remained silent unwilling to talk or give aid to their landlords. Finally one man pointed to the hiding place and local tradition maintained that he promptly lost that arm in a accident in the small mill in the Mussenden park.

McNaughton caught, tried, convicted and sentenced to be publicly hanged in an open field near Strabane. He spoke to the crowd, saying he loved his wife and had been kept from her. The trapdoor opened and down he went ... but.. the rope broke and the crowd shouted for him to fly, but McNaughton declared that he was not going to be known as "half-hanged McNaughton" and advised the hangman to get on with his work. The rope did not break again but his name did live on in legend as "half-hanged McNaughton."

So there you go , my Halloween weekend walk with a smidgen of the weird ;-)
If you are interested in looking at some more photos of the walk you can find them here

So for the now , adieu and remember never eat rhubarb in bed!

My Home Office

As it seems there is a generally "showing off" of our our home geekspaces as evidenced by Theo's Blog where he has two lovely pictures of his Home office. I thought I would show the opposite side of the coin so to speak.









A. Yeah go PlanetLotus!!!
B. O'Reilly (yes really) Definitive Javscript Guide
C. Tigger Coffee Mug from yesterday or the day before
D. ILUG 2008 shiney thingie
E. "Wot do you mean it is bedtime?" verification device
F. Celion Dion CD case (i binned the CD in disgust)




















G. New hard drive screw V1.2.3a Search device
H. iPlod Charger thingie ... (Oh THAT's where it is!)
I. McDonagh Travelling painting kit (or placcie bag to the rest of the world)
J. PADs (Paint Application Devices)
K. Indication of rather too much boredom on a wet winter afternoon
L. Pile of books awaiting full text index creation
M. ILUG Green Hat ontop of ILUG Bag ontop of older Ilug bag

It is my mess and I love it!

Wot I done on my holidays

Hello again gentle readers both great and small!
I have returned from my holidays, well you will have probably got that already as I have done a couple of post. So there you have it! I am back in god's sod and like all good A+ students I have the "Wot I done on me holly dayz" 500 word essay ready and I am prepared for the start of the new autumn/fall term/semester. Which means I am basically on the wind down to Xmas.

Last year our outward journey to the land of Homer and Euclid was a complete FUTILE invested disaster. So collective breaths were held, fingers, toes and all bendable appendages were crossed and it WORKED for this year was a breeze! A quick hop from Belfast to Birmingham (UK) then a very pleasant evening with my middle sister and then a 5am flight to Skiathos in the Sporades island chain in Aegean.

View Larger Map

Now I don't want you all going and booking holidays there next year so .... it is really a horrible place, ghastly truly horrible you cannot adequately describe the levels of awfulness that are reached ... OK have you turned off.. good :-)

So for anyone who has kept going, Alonissos is a what we in "Norn Iron" call "Toetee" , or in the more common parlance, "very small" island.There are no big discos, no noisy bars and most of all no northern european arseholes demanding Pukka Pies and cheap cider .. absolute bliss!

I am a simple man and have simple tastes and requirements for my vacations. I want to be able to paint, eat , drink and sleep but not necessarily in that order. Alonissos delivers all that and more.
I stayed in the Paradise Hotel which hangs on the edge of a cliff about 10 minutes stroll from the harbour in Patitiri town. Bessie and Kostas the owners run one of the most wonderful hotels in the world. I, through work, travel all around Europe with occasional trips to the US and Asia and I would gladly mark the Paradise higher than many of the 4* hotels that I have stayed in. They only have 2* at the minute but on the McDonagh Scale they score 10 out of 10 .. yes I do think they are THAT good!

I did some painting every day, it is the only part of the year where I can spend several hours painting and not let the 1001 other things slide. You may notice that I don't paint on paper, this is in fact not as it has been spread around because I am so "tight" that I won't spend money and buy paper. This is NOT TRUE.

There is a long story that explains my stone decorating issues. A story that involves dolphins, gypsies, sunburn, boredom and leaving a little bit of yourself behind when you leave. Perhaps I will fill you in on it one of these days.

Briefly this is a daily routine - I get up and have a long brekkie and a bit of a chat with the other guests. Then go for a wander before it gets to hot. This walk is usually down to one of the beaches on a hunt for material for that day's painting. I have to pass some tavernas (lucky that) which at that time of day are full of Greek gentlemen fiddling with their Komboloi (Worry beads) drinking Greek coffee and watching the world go by. Sometimes I join them on the way to the beach, sometimes on the way back. So it is nearly dinnertime or there abouts when I get back to the hotel. The sun is high in the sky and the temperature is in the high 90's. As I get sun-burnt under a naked 40W bulb I head for the shade somewhere near the bar and get out my paints and ... paint until it is safe to venture out into the sun on late afternoon.

One of the benefits of painting in public is that it is a great ice breaker. People come over to see what I am doing and you get talking and soon you are firm friends. [ Hi Bert,Ria, Roger,Anne and all the other others I met under the trees :-) ].

You may be wondering what happens to the stones (I do 2 or 3 a day) No I don't take them home, I give them away to folk that say they like them ... LOL ... I will never make a fortune but I have met some amazing people and have made some great friends so it is good karma if nothing else.

The food is uniformly excellent in all the Taverna's I have frequented. It has to be said that Roger and Anne [who have been coming to the island for many years cos it is a fantastic place to walk] were of great assistance here as they know everyone and can point you to the best kitchen for lamb/goat/fish or the amazing "Alonissos Cheese Pie".

I do have to add at this juncture that "We don't like Skopelos" a phrase often repeated when Cheese Pies are mentioned. Skopelos is the island next door [and was the location for the MamaMia film of last year] and they are alleged to have "stolen" the recipe and shape for Alonissos cheese pie and made it their own! Should you ever be in the Sporades please do sample the cheese pie on any of the islands ... BUT do not expect to be able to move afterwards if you buy one just for yourself - they are ENORMOUS!

I could go on and on and on boring the pants of you about how drop dead gorgeous the Hora up on the hill is, how wonderfully clear the sea is, how even though the rough guide and lonely planet say Patitiri is not pretty that I beg to differ ... I think it is. Give me the Patitiri harbour any day of the week but then I am probably biased. I can get a coffee, retsina , ouzo or a bite to eat with the minimum of exertion or fuss I even got the share of a coffee and a shot of Tsiporo from a fisherman at 5am when I wandered by looking for somewhere to sit and watch the sunrise.... but i won't drag this on any further.

Oh I have to mention Kostas' and Bessie's daughter Nicholetta and her friends who quite happily played tabli (Backgammon) with an aging Irish hippy without any of that reticence that teenagers feel around adults. Thanks for letting me at least 1 game :-) !

So if you want to experience a "real Greek island" and promise not to ruin it, go to Alonissos, tell them Irish Steve sent you :-) on the other hand perhaps not...LOL...

So to Kostas, Bessie, Nicoletta, Kostantina, and all the locals that made it a holiday to treasure... a great big THANK YOU! You had better prepare for another Irish invasion next year :-)

2 Week gap expected cos Im off on my holidays

Gentle readers, fellow GONADS in fact everyone.
There will now be a gap of 2 weeks where I will fall of the map as The McDonagh annual bachanalian orgy of Kelftiko, ouzo and best of all Mythos Beer is sought out and consumed prob in more than generous amounts. So Coatsie, Millsie and Buchan have a reprieve for the now. I slipped under the 15 stone mark yesterday.. YIPEE I am now offically 14 Stone "something" but that is unlikely to last.

I may pass the odd inet cafe on my travels and if I do I will check in , however if the last 30 years are anything to go by i may not be making a lot of sense, but then i never do.

Catch youse all sometime after the 15th

Dieting Is Fun - My ARSE! (or Standing on Scales Tension Syndrome)

Now I am fairly close to what used to be called a "new man". I am in touch with my feminine side. I cry at some DVD's, I can iron my socks I can throw together a dinner party for 6 on the way home from work. What I am not is one of those men to whom dieting comes naturally or easily.

I started on this particular spree of under-indulgence a month ago and the exercise is OK. I didn't go all out mad and join a gym. No %^$&ing chance of that! Too much damp lycra riding up the sheughs of my portly colleagues collective arses for a gentlemen of my taste and refinement. For my increased calorific duty I walk and I believe the correct term is "briskly" around the highways, byways, beaches and forests of my locale. That bit is fine, tis a manly thing to tramp around wondering if there are fish still in that stream, rabbits in that field and convent girls playing tennis down at the sports ground.

BUT and tis a major BUT I have started to read the contents and nutritional tables on the back of consumables. I wake in a cold sweat most nights should they every start this nonsense on pint glasses. Here in the UK/Ireland it is even worse that just the figures.They have this sort of traffic light on the values just you know that 195g of lovely tasty fat laden calorie rich pre processed weapon of mass constriction is not good for you it appears in sudden aortic aneurysm red. Where as a packet of wholesome, fibrous and totally taste free natural recycled bran cardboard is in a nice summery green. Basically you aim at getting as much green and as little red as possible.... B**T**Ds! That makes it to easy!! There is no excuse anymore!

I really don't mind some of the stuff "Weetabix Oatie Flakes" are ace with ice cold milk and a glass of green tea really does hit the spot. But I ask you when the very core of your being screams out for some deep fried goodness and then to be presented with reconstituted seaweed and soya goop on Ryevita just skunders my pish!

I know! I know! smoker for all those years, overweight, out of condition, a heart attack waiting to happen yada yada yada. I know! I am trying , the ciggies are a thing of the past, I am exercising, I am forcing down my 5 a day fruit and veg portions. I am avoiding cheese like Liam Gallagher avoids Head and Shoulders. My cry is WHY OH WHY AM I SO FECKING HUNGRY ALL THE FECKING TIME? When does the urge to eat one of our cats (with a nice hot salsa) disappear. When passing a field of cows when does the "will they miss one and is raw cow without horseradish tasty?" question stop jumping to the front of my mind?

~sigh~ I suppose I will continue on this road to wellville if for no other reason than I don't want the other NotesTubbies to beat me (Chris Coates, Bill Buchan and John Mill) in the diet contest.

**PS** yes I know i had a bit of a binge last Friday, but pint glasses don't have the contents stickers on them so it must have been OK??? Right?? ~sob~ Plllleeeeeassse make it right!

I have started a new blog for my creative side

I have, after much ferkeling and a spot of winkling, decided to get creative on another blog... here. This blog will house my creative stuf paintings, stories, poems and the like. Not that I put that many of those on this DYM, but it should reduce some of the "noise" I create on PL a little.

If anyone is interested I have plonked a short SciFic story up there tonight it is very rough and probably derivative but it has Aliens, pulse rifles, Belfast and lots of swearing so prob not "Safe for Work"

Squirrel - 2 walks in 2 days and with no pub involvement!

Squirrel!
I have been for another unsolicited walk! Will wonders never cease? Having done the river yesterday it was time for the forest today and a wander around the 3km forest trail at "the trim trail" the car park of which I have to say is a spot best avoided after dark ... "dogging" need I say more? Which is a pity because it is 3 very pleasant trails to tramp around.

Now for this apprentice micheline man walking is not an entirely welcome pastime, if i need to be somewhere it is much nicer going there by motorcycle usually very very quickly. The down side of this my more normal method of transport is that you miss the detail, a fact that had slipped my mind.

Anyway I was samba-ing around the trail to the iPlod provided by Claudio Zoli ... oh he is so cool and it has a good beat to plod to.Ben If you are reading this.. it is worth having a listen to .. bitching bass and back beat.



... oh please don't get the idea i can samba ... cos I can't, i wish i could but sadly my talents lie in other directions.

Anyway I came across some more things that made me stop and stare for a moment or two and with my Sony Walkperson phone cam thingumy took these photos.

Now the plants on the left are stingy nettles (BOOO!) and the broad leaved plants on the right are Dockens or Docks (YEAH!) If you get stung by a stingy nettle rub a dock leaf on the sting and it will stop stinging quicker than with no rub. Dock leaves also good for wiping your bum with if you find yourself bereft of toilet paper when camping!

---

This is a ver dead tree with the most amazing branch structure, well perhaps only amazing because it is horizontal and not vertical ?? I also think there needs to be a naked woman in there somewhere ... sex and death are powerful motifs ... I wonder if I can find a nude model..hmmmm?

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This is a useful weed, called fireweed, or willow herb , you can smoke if you run out of tobacco or use the root, ground up, as a poultice to get pus out of a boil. But when walking OOOOOOH what at fantastic colour

Whilst out for a Walk

Hey ho!
Having fought the good fight against the ciggies for some months now I have fallen prey to the after effects of several months of nibbling. I weighed myself which is really odd for me, but my favorite jeans now required a large amount of breathing in and rolling on the floor swearing to get on.

Action needed to be taken!

So today, being a public holiday I made the first steps in loosing some weight by (a) not eating and snacking as much and (b) by going for an hour long walk. So I am now 15St 6lb (thats 216 lbs for youse USians) and I am going to try and get down to the 13.5 stone (189 lbs) so thats a target of 27 lbs before vacation time at the end of August.

Which is sort of beside the point. I went for a walk down beside the River Bann that runs down the length of Northern Ireland. It was a lovely evening and the walk (or at this stage in the diet wobble) was rather more pleasant than I thought it would be, so I took some piccies... and here they are...

A Common Spotted Orchid	Bramble Blossom

My Next DIY project is forming

I have gotten tired of Chez McDonagh. I have lived here for 25 years. Don't want to move so the only alternate left to me is to dig out the tool belt and get down to some serious home improvement. I have researched this long and hard (20 minutes or so) and I am going to take as a starting point this building which I think makes the right statement about my acceptance of modernity in the face of a mounting desire for whatever was good about the "good old days"

Now were did I leave that Black and Dekker thing I got for Xmas?

On the end of your children's childhood - and having birds shit on you.

My son Niall has just had his 18th Birthday (and is remarkably sober well done Niall) for all intents and purposes that is him an adult. Where did the time go? It seems like only yesterday that he and I would be sitting down to roar with laughter at Pingu (his favourite toon)

...Ohhh that is just sooooo good! :-)

Good old Neil Gaiman wrote in Sandman ...
"It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor."

It is such a damn shame we have to grow up ~sigh~ but grow up we do and lend our shoulders to the move the wheel of progress one notch further around. So a toast, here's to our children, long may we parents have them close in our hearts even when they are moving on to start their own lives ... Hurrah!

Duffbert's secret revealed!

Gentle reader, I feel a little twinge of guilt in this posting this because Duffbert said nice things about yours truly's blog. However this is news of great import and should increase his kudos exponentially! I have always wondered why in sessions lead by the aforementioned Tom the females in the audience were hanging on his every word, silver threads of drool dangling from every max-factored lip. I know AJAX is interesting but its not THAT interesting.

Now it can be revealed it is his encyclopedic knowledge of books that does it!

This article shows that unbeknownst to the rest of the Domino World mild mannered developer Tom was in fact dangling the irresistible carrots of literary know-how in front of the ladies whipping them in to a frenzy of attraction. This puts an entirely different spin on this post which would, perhaps, be better placed on "Techniques for the Modern Lothario" or "Lets get jiggy with Tolstoy"

I for one am hitting the Library this afternoon!

Good for you Tom, but SHAME for not letting the rest of us in on the secret!

Lowering the tone,as usual, in a condescending manner (and this post exists)

.... and exactly why would we want complete idiots finding out how to propagate?
Also it does posit the question having had a look at the Dummies Guide to AJAX (which can be quite difficult) way of laying things out in nice easy steps, how does the Complete idiots guide
cover the thorny problem of finding a suitable mate? ....

I think I will wait for the Duffbert review, before my purchase.

*This observation first heard on the Now Show BBC Radio 4. Other humorous radio's shows are available

Changing your name

I came across a post the other day on a heretical and rather rude web site that posited the question:

"If your name wasn’t what it is and you had to choose from ‘Aresholeshitpantsfishguts’, ‘Stretchedbumholemoosepus’, or ‘Nigel’, which name would you choose?”

It is an intriguing question, one we should all give some serious consideration to. You have to factor in when this name change would be made. I mean, if it were now it would be merely awkward to go to the bank and say ‘Excuse me, but I have to change the name on my account to Aresholeshitpantsfishguts McDonagh ...Yes, I said Aresholeshitpantsfishguts .. you got a problem with that... No I am not a ASW whatever that is!

Of course that wouldn’t make it easy-peasy or terribly comfortable all the time though. Imagine if you went to visit say a sister in hospital after he had been bitten on the bum by a moose who had a terrible yeast infection on his moose tongue which transmitted itself to the rectal passage of said relative and then when you got to the hospital and you said ‘Hello, I’m here to visit my sister.Yeah. My name? It’s Stretchedbumholemoosepus McDonagh. No, I’m not taking the
piss, I swear dat's my name.

And can you imagine the problems with getting your name changed in Domino.. Your "application" name for your local mail file would become "Stretchedbumholemoosepus on Local" and that just isnt room And you might get a cruel admin type that would find "Nigel" just too funny for words. The cruel slings and arrows you would get when on Sametime and your status reads "Aresholeshitpantsfishguts is Available" might be to hard to bear.

Steve

PS yes this WAS a blantant attempt to get found by Volker's two top searches ... Sue Me!

Giving ASW a bit of a stroke.

Was that title ASW enuff I wonder?

Being a relatively neophytic blogger I have only just found out what an ASW is. Although, it seems, there is some debate about the "W". The underlying throb of self-gratification that the ASWer feels does push me to the "anker" rather than "hore" side of the debate. Added to this the unlikeliness of the existence of a sufferer of Portnoy's Complaint being given the suffix of "..with a heart of gold" convinces me all the moreof the veracity of the "beating the bishop" argument.

Having scouring the the learned posts on ASW done in this arena by my betters, I took details of this worrying syndrome (and the slightly more worrying "ASW by proxy" as demonstrated today by Volker on Ben) and presented them to GIMBO (Grumpy Irish Middleaged Boozers Organisation) down at the Friday night caucus in the Harbour Bar Portrush. We had these insights, which I will share with you like it or not.

1. Dealing with the desire to indulge in ASWing
Ask yourself do you really want to post. It is true that most ASW sufferers have one good post in them but in general that is exactly where that post should stay. If you find yourself with a deep and burning desire to express yourself creatively this is probably ASW, don't listen to that silky voice! Have a nice cup of tea and some toast and allow the desire to dissipate naturally.

2. If you can't help it... remember the words of Groucho Marx ... "an amateur thinks it is funny to dress a man as an old lady, put them in a wheelchair and push them downhill towards a stone wall. For a professional it HAS to be a REAL old lady" ... so if you are going to do it ... do it well!

3. Doing it well.. remember that your wonder-code it not merely just happen, it "... came to you howling in it's throbingly bestial beauty in an orgiastic splatter of sheer brilliance... " if you are going to pull your own todger it is best to do it with style.

4. Get as many sexual innuendos in as possible, the punters love it! Where possible sprinkle these in your post ... pulsating keyboards, steaming trousers, quivering mice, tumescent debuggers, proudly pert keyboard nipples and my favorite ... a swirling ectoplasm of anguished breakpoints.

5. Handling the comments... being an out and proud ASWer will have its drawbacks .. unhelpful comments from an ignorant and uncaring public will being main amongst them. These take all the fun and ... tumescence ... out of your efforts, so get your own back ... one of my favourites is "listen mate i would love to help you out, ....which way did you come in?"

So in conclusion words of G.B.Shaw should ring loud and clear in all our ears.

"Physically there is nothing to distinguish internet society from the farm yard except that bloggers are more troublesome and costly than the chickens"

The "My Album Cover" meme

I have been following the "My Album Cover" meme that was doing the rounds a few months ago, and it occurred to me that there must be some truly weird but REAL album covers out there and yes true enuff there are .. here are just a couple I have found.
The rather cheerily titled Freddie Gage Opus, the first in the "It is perfectly OK to wear white socks and shoes" 6 record Box Set.


And the unforgettable classic now digitally remastered and reissued as "want a sweetie little boy?"

Good Friday thoughts on the evils of Laundry

This being a religious day and all that I have choosen a passage from the Psalms, 106 verse 38, to start this post.
Thus were they stained with their own works and went whoring with their own inventions

This post is dedicated to my son and all other young men about to fly the nest and make their way in the world. Draw near and hear the wise words of your elders.

As you are all well aware when you are young laundry is done by the Laundry Fairy. In Ireland this role is taken by the Laundry Leprechaun. She slips silently into your room, usually on a daily basis and replaces all your dirty clothes with clean and ironed ones. Sadly the Laundry Leprechaun, like the lovely Veronica the Tooth Fairy, does not continue this wonderful practice into adult life, mores the pity. There comes a time when when every young man has to take care of their own laundering needs.

To quote the Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy's front page "DON'T PANIC" with a little thought this crisis can be managed.

Laundry like pasta can be tested for it's nearness to the perfect "al dente"-ness. Simply throw your intimate garments at the bedroom wall and see if they stick. However do remember that this test means that only PASTA is edible! Having scraped the garments from the wall take them straight away to the bathroom where you should throw them into the shower or bath. Scoot into the kitchen and in that cupboard under the sink you will probably find a cardboard box, check the front and confirm it is washing powder as attempting to clean clothes with dried dog or cat food is not a good idea. Although it does make your clothes quite flavoursome, I personally recommend Tuna "Go-Cat" for those evening adventures than may not have food provided.

Sprinkle some of this aromatic powder onto the clothes and turn on the hot water tap. When the water is hot enough to kill all known germs, put on your wellingtons, get into the shower and start stomping on your underfrillies. There is little point being gentle so in my experience if you imagine you are trampling grapes in a vineyard on the Cote d'azur you will get the correct cadence for sparkling undies. Also if you are a fan of Riverdance, a good 4 hand reel double tap shuffle is also excellent for removal of those extra stubborn stains.

Since you are in there, have a look around, experiment with the taps perhaps even have a wash yourself, no point in wasting the hot water given the price of electricity these days. A word of caution unless you want to end up with an alarming "dazzling blue whiteness" don't use the washing powder you used for your clothes.

Even though Sister Xavier (of the order of the sacred bleeding carrot of St Crispin) told you that anything to do with your body was a sin, the human body is nothing to be ashamed of. Make sure you wash you-know-where and while you are at it wash there and under there too...Carefully. ..both of them.

Get out of the shower at this point, get dressed and have a cuppa ... once this is complete you clothes will be nice and clean but, and remember this, THEY ARE STILL WET! Putting them on now will result in a deeply unpleasant sensation not unlike having your best friend vomit in your pockets. The easiest way to get around this is to use the dryer, most modern houses have one and thanks to the wonders of embedded technology is called "the cooker". Pop your clothes into the oven, set it to 200 C (thats 392 F for our USian readers) and leave for 10 minutes. DO NOT FORGET THEY ARE THERE!!! There is nothing quite as unpleasant as the sensation of wearing very well done underpants.

Here endeth the homily, the collection will now be received....