Dr Who, the daleks and George Bush On Holiday with Green Day

Dr Who, the daleks, George Bush, the glitter band a smidgen of The Sweet and Green Day
Just Plain Wonderful!
click to listen, right click save as to download

An just in case that isn't enuff feast your ears on Gun's and Carl Douglas
Sweet Kung Fu fighting Child of Mine

Awesome Creme Egg machines

You do have to hand it to this chap.. What an awesome machine!

The BEST internet advert of all time - Ever!

This has to be the best Internet based interactive advert of all time -

Upload a document to two phones in Nokia and watch their robots mangle it
bloody marvelously weird! and very satisfying on a Monday morning!



Thanks to twitbuddy @reivax for the heads up!

News you may have missed #5

Frottage Chic.
Freddie Johnson, 49, was arrested in New York City in April, for the 53rd time after he allegedly once again rubbed up against women on crowded trains.
(This is technically called Frottaphilia)
He is such a menace (a 57-page rap sheet) that a special NYPD detail follows him around, certain that he will re-offend. Shortly after the arrest, the New York Daily News reported that his twin brother, Teddy, is now serving an eight-year sentence in upstate New York for a series of subway gropings of his own. A retired police officer told the Daily News that he saw the brothers almost every day and could tell them apart only by their clothes. Freddie, he said, was "blue collar" while Teddy conducted his fondlings "always dressed in a blazer and slacks." [New York Daily News, 4-16-08]

Well done Teddy! If you are going to be a pervert be a well dressed pervert!

Jonvon's current domicile focuses on Kinder, Gentler Government:
The county government in Tampa, Fla., revealed in April that because of its unusual interpretation of state law, all of its inmates on work-release programs during the last 15 years have been accruing pension and post-retirement health-care credits. [St. Petersburg Times, 4-15-08]

Staying In Jonvon's part of the world... they have some really stupid "crims"
In a suburb of Tampa, Fla., cafe owner Agustin De Jesus was asleep for the night in a back room but awakened by a break-in. He noticed that the thief had parked his SUV by the back door with the engine running for a quick getaway, so De Jesus hopped in, drove away and called police, who arrested Leonard Levy, 55, who is a candidate for life in prison based on his long record. [St. Petersburg Times, 4-22-08]

Closer to home now... this is why i will NEVER EVER buy a Tom Tom

The next day, in King's Lynn, England, a Streamline taxi minibus had to be pulled from the River Nar after the driver, who said he was obediently following the navigation system instructions, drove straight into the water. [Lynn News, 4-23-08]

.. and finally a way to persuade the most ardent M$ support that "Notes is Nice"
Zurich Univ. scientists announced preliminary success with a nasal spray that upped the oxytocin level so that it reduced hyperactivity in the amygdala area of the brain, such hyperactivity being associated with excessive fear of people. Oxy-sprayed people proved more gullible (er, trusting) in tests than placebo-sprayed people. Yr Editor is certain that this work will be used only to bring “social phobia” sufferers up to normal levels and not for any other negative or dangerous or scary purpose at all. BBC News

Be Safe, Be Happy.. Behave!

News you may have missed #4

The way to a man's heart is through his ...
his ear or so this article in newsweek would appear to suggest .. the era of natural orifice surgery is underway.

Hip hip hurrah! this writer exclaims, or would if some mad Doctor chappie wouldn't take it as an invite to give me a new hip via the nearest orrifice and there are two very dear to me that no-one is sticking a hip replacement thru.

The controlling body is called.. wait for it.. NOSCAR (Natural Orrifice Surgery consortium for Assessement and research) now there is a mistake waiting to happend!

GFA Style car chase on Osaka, Japan

Now this is what I call a real car chase! 2460 cops, 430 cop cars and 1 helicopter ! How many points would you get for that??

Staying in the land of the rising sun...

Does this civil servant have RSA in his wrist or WHAT?

A civil servant in Tokyo was demoted..(note not fired ...demoted!) for accessing porn sites 780,000 times during office hours in a 9 month period. Over three quarters of a million lustful leerings with very probable accentuated trouser tightness and his colleagues didn't notice!
What can you say ? Well lets see.. 9 months thats say 250 x10 hour working days which is 2500 hours, thats 312 and hour or 5.2 naughty sites a minute! Bloody hell when did he do any work???
Five porn sites a minute for 10 hours straight ??? the man is superhuman!!!

Be safe Be Happy Behave!
Steve

Oh this is rich - Malware code comes with a EULA! :-)

LOL this is "The Weird of the day!" Zeus a rather unpleasant piece of malware now has a EULA

it "...cannot be used for purposes other than which it was bought for" and Zeus buyers also "... commit to give the seller a fee for any update to the product that is not connected with errors in the work, as well as for adding additional functionality".

Please form an orderly queue for EULA's for disk crashes where

".. this crash cannot be used for running up overtime, having a large expenses claim or other sundry device for increasing the users renumeration" ... not that any Dedicated System Professional like we geeks would do that!

News you may have missed #3

Canada - Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh Canada!!

In Guelph, Ontario, a strange man had committed at least three incidents of approaching women and asking to be kicked in the groin. Apprehended after the seventh such incidents, Jarrett Loft, 28, pleaded guilty in March 2008 to one count (of being VERY weird) and was sentenced to 60 days in jail. Loft offered no explanation for his behavior, other than that he was "curious." One victim, saying that she feared what Loft might do if she refused, repeatedly kicked him between the legs, after which he thanked her and rode off on his bicycle. [Guelph Mercury, 29th March 2008]

Dentistry - its a gas

A patient reporting for an appointment with dentist Norman Rubin in Smithtown, N.Y., in March told the New York Post that Rubin was in the otherwise-empty office, passed out, drooling, with a gas mask on his face. (Rubin later told the Post, in defense, that it was, after all, his lunch hour.)
well being a dentist much be a hard old job at the best of times!
[New York Post, 20 March 2008]

Wild Parties (why do I not get an invite?)

Mayor Art Madrid of La Mesa, Calif., apologized in February for an incident the week before when police found him, along with a female city employee, passed out about 10:30 p.m. Madrid was lying on the sidewalk near an SUV; the woman was in the driver's seat with her legs sticking out the open door; and vomit littered the area. La mesa sounds like my kinda town, how to you get on the town council i wonder ?... [San Diego Union Tribune, 27 Feb 2008]

Meanwhile in Salzburg Austria people are looking at the colour of a bat's anus

Dirk Opalka (whose fox scored 96 of 100 possible points) won best in show at the World Taxidermy Championships in February in Salzburg, Austria, beating over 100 competitors in the art of stretching animal skin over fake bodies so the critters look better than they ever looked alive. The attention to detail was astonishing, according to a dispatch in Der Spiegel, on such features as a stag's nostrils, a hyena's lips, a hamster's whiskers, the neck length of a female peregrine falcon (precisely 5.5 cm), and the proper rosiness of a bat's anus. [Der Spiegel, 29th Feb 2008]


Be safe, be happy Behave!
Steve

Items of new you may have missed #2

• Freddy Mercury's song writing snubbed by Olympic Committee
  

China's societal self-improvement in preparation for the 2008 Olympics continues a pace.It was reported in the Daily Telegraph this week that the Beijing Tourism Bureau ordered hotels to re-translate English signs, hoping to avoid such notorious past gaffes as "Racist Park," which is now "Park of Ethnic Minorities," and a cafe's attempt to salute Western visitors with "Welcome, big nosed friends." The Beijing Olympics Committee has been training hostesses for months to stand in military-like precision, straight enough to hold a sheet of paper between their knees, and to smile continuously, showing "six to eight teeth" (even if placing a chopstick in the mouth sideways is necessary for practice). There are height and weight requirements for the hostesses, and each must have an upper- to lower-body ratio of no more than 11:13, to eliminate, according to local newspapers, "big bottoms." - FOR SHAME have they never heard that salute to curvaceous booty "big bottomed girls" by Queen ??

• Arseing around in Colorado
  

(From the Denver Post) Leo Hill, 81, of Lakewood, Colo., that he was being shafted by the manufacturer's of toilet paper He has taken a sample of 5 brands of 12-pack toilet rolls and (can is say anally?) counted each sheet of the 60 rolls and concluding that the shortage amounted to enough paper to service one bottom cleanse per roll! FOR SHAME! He took his complaint to the Denver Post (and even to the Better Business Bureau), but it was found by both of these august bodies that the number of bottom wipes per roll was infact correct. This writer wonders if the times when you are perhaps too forceful and poke your finger thru the paper and swear loudly are counted as "wipes" or were they "aborted" or "semi" wipes?

• Mrs Tiggywinkle is a WMD! (ok a WMP the P is for Punctures)
  

A man in New Zealand has been accused of a prickly attack on a teenager - using a hedgehog as a weapon.

William Singalargh, 27, is said to have launched the spiky creature at a 15-year-old boy in the North Island east coast town of Whakatane.

The animal was later discovered dead but it was unclear whether it was alive when it was thrown.

The youth suffered several puncture wounds and a large gash to his leg but did not need hospital treatment.

Police arrested Singalargh shortly afterwards and was charged with assault using a weapon "namely the hedgehog".

It is believed that Flopsy, Mopsy, Cotton-tail, and Peter,the highly trained squad of Beatrix Potter Niinja's has been dispatched from St.Tiggywinkles to investigate.It is said that they carried the 5 leafed Lettuce of Doom! This writer awaits developments with baited breath.

Items of news you may have missed

• Need a pee, why not pick up some culture while you are there.

Gentle Reader, particularly any of you that are near or close to New York, here is a chance to broaden your cultural horizons. I got an email from a chum of mine today just to let me know that he had a wonderful time watching thespians in a toilet in New York. No, this is not a euphemism! The play in question is "Ladies & Gents" written by Ireland's own Paul Walker and is currently playing to, well it has to be said smallish audiences in the Bethesda Fountain, Central Park, New York. The cast are said to be flushed with their success .o0(i should really apologise for that but i am not going to)

To quote the bumf "the play takes place in the repressed Dublin of 1957, a chilling tale of mystery and revenge set in the public toilets"

I am reliably informed that they have (a) given the toilets a damn good clean (b) Installed heating (c) Actively dissuade actors, audience and passing members of the public from , errrrr , performing during the performance.

In the interest of being odd and being able to say ".. yes i was there .." you should really go and see.

• Shooting blanks in Madhya Pradesh.

The world is a crowded place, no doubt about it and getting more crowded by the minute. So full marks to the folks that run the Shivpuri district in Madyha Pradesh have "encouraged" chaps to get vasectomies by giving them a gun license. It would appear that having a gun is more important to the average Prasheshie chap than being fertile. It's an odd world and thats a fact.

• Getting Jiggy with it in Singapore

On the other side of the birth rate is Singapore where birth rates have dropped off alarmingly. This may be because the Singaporean Authorities have law against it, they have a law that bans , prohibits or generally restricts and controls just about everything else. However there just aren't the little Singaporean Sprogs that there should be. So there is now a government course teaching them how to Flirt, analyse love songs, succeed at speed dating and how to impress ladies in chat rooms!

Boysadear! Now there is a good use of the tax SGP$ at work! I would gladly write the course material for that one. I can see it now.

Flirtation - It is very important to learn how to flirt properly. It is the art of tact and suggestion rather and an all out assault of direct propositioning "Yo big t*tS fancy a f**k?" is NOT a generally accepted good thing to say. Pay compliments, buy drink, make erudite and witty conversation and then say "Yo big t*ts fancy a f**k?"

Avoid Stereotyping - Women sometimes feel that all men want is to get them into bed. This is a just plain wrong. Given the right ammount of booze, most chaps will settle for the back of a car, behind the bike shed or in the loading bay of the local supermarket.

Foreplay - more commonly known as taking your shoes (and most importantly) your socks off!

Kissing - Many a feast of carnal excitement has been rendered yet another boring salad by fluffing up the Hors d'oeuvres. Just remember that it is considered impolite to kiss your partner as though you are trying to taste what they had for breakfast the day before yesterday.

I think I would be rather good and the presentations would be such fun to create.

Anyhoos .. Closer to home.. in Italy

• Licence to lie for Italian women

The BBC reported that is was now perfectly acceptable for ladies to lie. Italy's highest appeal court has ruled that married Italian women who commit adultery are entitled to lie about it to protect their honour. It is reported that this landmark case was brought by a 48 year old lady from Porto Ercole on the Tuscany coast, and named only as Carla. She had lent her telephone to her secret lover, Giovanni, who then used it to call Carla's estranged husband, Vincenzo, and insult him and then lied about this to the police when questioned about the incident. Mind you the court that passed down this judgment is used to controversy as it once gave a ruling, later rescinded after protests from women's groups, that "... a woman could not be raped by definition if she was wearing tight jeans, since the jeans could only be removed with her consent." You do have to wonder ....


and now, although it has been around for a while can I ask to you stand in respectful silence for Anthem for the Geek (by the Deaf Pedestrians)

be safe, be happy, behave!
Steve

The "My Album Cover" meme

I have been following the "My Album Cover" meme that was doing the rounds a few months ago, and it occurred to me that there must be some truly weird but REAL album covers out there and yes true enuff there are .. here are just a couple I have found.
The rather cheerily titled Freddie Gage Opus, the first in the "It is perfectly OK to wear white socks and shoes" 6 record Box Set.


And the unforgettable classic now digitally remastered and reissued as "want a sweetie little boy?"

Volker vs Nathan - The Google Grudge Match

Thanks to Paul Mooney's post here (so it is all his fault)

I really really really couldn't resist it so having pondered about it for all of 5 seconds ... I did a GoogleFight over the two protagonists currently squaring up in the Blogsphere..

I know .. I know.. it doesn't really help one way or t'other and is all fairly meaningless.

Steve

The Great Illinois Corn Flake - Resolution

Gentle reader, I wanted to ease you into your Easter Saturday gently without fuss or kerfuffle. However news of great import has just broken. The Great Illinois Corn Flake has been sold!

Yes the cornflake which was withdrawn, added again and withdrawn from auction site eBay over disagreement over "no food" policy has been sold for the princely sum of $1,350 to the owner of TriviaMania.Com.

I am so relieved the issue of the food-iness of cornflakes was causing me sleepless nights and the McDonagh bedsheets were fair tangled by my tossing and turning (oh do stop giggling Nathan!)

I have great hopes for the auction of my Wheetabix with the lotus "waffle-men" apparently embossed on it.