Monday 30 June 2008

Adobe Connect Me rather too sexy! Sametime looks rather dowdy :(

Just had a play with ConnectMe.. the Flash driven Web Conferencing offering that Adobe are pushing out to the web ... OOOOOO MY!

24 Seconds from Clicking load to opened conference
It's slick, dark and sexy. I freely admit to be being one of those people that are impressed by shiny new things. There doesn't appear to be any functional difference with ST 8 It is just WAY more sexy.

I Think it best if we do NOT show this to the CIO anytime soon.

Adobe pushes Acrobat into Multimedia and challenges a little bit of the Domino world

Geeky followers here is something to have a play with if you are bored. Adobe9 (currently beta and due for gilding in July) introduces flash integration, portfolios and hosted collaboration services. I used to hate PDF it was "printer monkey" world and I spent long enough there in the early 80's. My dislike a side PDF has become fairly pervasive. Open Office exports documents to PDF, M$ Orrifice does it with a free add on (soon I am told to changed to there as standard) But now your 'umble PDF will be able to hold Video!...

I sensed 10,000 notes Mail Admin's buttocks clench there at the thought of the potential increase in mail size and how will we weed out ordinary PDF's from someone trying to sneak "Lavidious Linda Licks Loins III"
onto the corporate network by calling it Quarter_4_Returns.pdf .. sure without things like that the world would be a boring place. This is where Adobe's new hosted collaborative service comes in. You can find here it is beta it is free and you get 5gb of space to fill up with documents you create with BUZZWORD their online Word Processor or with file formats. CONNECTNOW is the other tool and is like a Sametime web conference. I have had a play with BUZZWORD and it is Google.Docs in a party frock with a hint of potential excitement once the kids are in bed.

Go have a play ... it is interesting and the design (all flash) is excellcent

I think it will, given the inroads the PDF format has made into our IT lives, yet more people a glimpse of the value what Web 2 and Enterprise 2 is capable of.

Sunday 29 June 2008

Apple release the "i"

Thanks to Big A** Mutant for this
best Laugh I have had in months..

The island of Forvik in the Shetlands declares independance from the UK

Oh I like this... I am going to get an island and declare independence

Stuart Hill's claim dates back to a 15th century arrangement
between the Norwegian King Christian and King James III of
Scotland when the Shetland Islands were effectively pawned to
King James in lieu of a marriage dowry.

let this be a lesson to you all ... don't give up any islands otherwise in 400 years your islands will be taken over by a chap living in a tent!

Wednesday 25 June 2008

Parking Crisis in Belfast - car parks full so drivers asked to stack their cars neatly

Click here to get details from the BEEB

My Next DIY project is forming

I have gotten tired of Chez McDonagh. I have lived here for 25 years. Don't want to move so the only alternate left to me is to dig out the tool belt and get down to some serious home improvement. I have researched this long and hard (20 minutes or so) and I am going to take as a starting point this building which I think makes the right statement about my acceptance of modernity in the face of a mounting desire for whatever was good about the "good old days"

Now were did I leave that Black and Dekker thing I got for Xmas?

Visa ,the credit card people, tap into the Facebook membership

I have heard a lot about Web 2.0 Enterprise 2.0 and how they are going to revolutionize the world of business. There have been a lot of words spoken and hyperbole vomited over geekworld about the $$$'s and £££'s that are going to be made. This is the first I have actually heard were real money is mentioned.

It seems Visa is giving away money ($100) if people (US Only) on facebook download some software.
Visa and Facebook say they think small companies that receive the advertising credits will then use the social networking site to market their services and products online in the future ...

I wonder is this the way things are destined to go? Is it a good thing?

On the end of your children's childhood - and having birds shit on you.

My son Niall has just had his 18th Birthday (and is remarkably sober well done Niall) for all intents and purposes that is him an adult. Where did the time go? It seems like only yesterday that he and I would be sitting down to roar with laughter at Pingu (his favourite toon)

...Ohhh that is just sooooo good! :-)

Good old Neil Gaiman wrote in Sandman ...
"It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor."

It is such a damn shame we have to grow up ~sigh~ but grow up we do and lend our shoulders to the move the wheel of progress one notch further around. So a toast, here's to our children, long may we parents have them close in our hearts even when they are moving on to start their own lives ... Hurrah!

Tuesday 24 June 2008

Getting intimate with Javascript objects part #4 - Orienting your Objects

Ah Hah! Now the going gets interesting - Object-Oriented Javascript!

You would think that a language that doesn't have a formal class would have it hard playing with the classic object-oriented languages like C++, Java and (lord help me) C#. Object-Oriented Geeks can be a funny lot and they would have you believe that a "real" object oriented language is strongly typed and supports class based inheritance. As an example of this kind of delusion I give you Ben Poole who spends all day ferkling with java in eclipse and is proud to wave goodbye to the last remnants of his street cred by calmly stating in broad daylight and SOBER, that Kajagoogoo are cool ... need I say more? (actually Ben is a lovely chap who has no problem with javascript but he does spend WAY to long Ferkling!)

As I have shown in the last couple of posts. Javascript makes use of objects, has its own prototype based inheritance and as a result can stand up proud as a OO language along side Java (no relation) and C++. If the other Object Oriented languages want to look down their noses at Javascript well let them, they are no better than they should be anyway!

OK for those of you that are unfamiliar with Object Oriented terminology (I couldnt be arsed typing Object-Oriented all the time so it will from now on be shorted to OO) here is a quick summary. An Object is a data structure that contains various bits of named data called properties and may contain various functions called methods that do things.

Objects are our friends, love them, hug them and call them George.

Why? Because they group related data and functions into a convenient package which naturally increases modularity and resuability of code. YIPPEE! Being a professionally lazy person I don't like working hard and constantly writing the same bit of code, to be frank, skunders my pish, anything that means I have to type less is an A+, Gold Star, goto the top of the class sort of thing to me! Not that has anything to do with OO programming of course thats just me being lazy.

In Javascript we can have any number of methods and properties and dynamically add them to our objects basically when we need them. In Java and C++ because they are "strictly typed" you can't do this (well not easily) that's why they are called strict. Also each object has a predefined set of properties (called fields) and each property has a predefined type. These definitions are made in the CLASS an object in Java or C++ is defined by its CLASS a bit like the late 1950's in England sorta like this ...waits for the video to be consumed... whilst javascript does not have a rigid class structure it can do most of the things the "proper" OO languages can so we will not get a sore in our neck looking up at Java and C++!

In any OO language there may be many objects created from the same class. When often say that an object is an instance of the class and if we are being really geeky we don't create an object we instantiate it. So if you don't want to be laughed at but ubergeeks don't say "I have just made a HarveyWallBanger doobrydo from my Cocktail thingy" say "I have instantiated a HarveyWallBanger object from my Cocktail class" it will make you look way cool!

In Java it is a common convention to name classes with a capital letter and to name objects with lowercase letters. This helps keep classes and objects distinct in code. This is a useful thing to do in Javascript as well.

That's enough for today.. tomorrow I will continue with how Javascript copes with the idea of Instance Properties,Instance Methods,Class properties and Class methods.

Getting intimate with Javascript objects part #3 - prototypes and verrucaes

Gentle reader ,
have you got your geek waders on because the Javascript puddle we are about to paddle in can get quite deep? Today I am poking "Prototyping" in the eye with a stick and then running away in the hope that you can get an inkling about how Prototyping works so that properties and methods can be "inherited".

Prototyping is a prebuilt keyword that simplifies the process of adding custom properties/ methods to all instances of an object.

In JavaScript, you're allowed to add custom properties to both prebuilt and custom objects. Here's an
example of each:

//adding a custom property to a prebuilt object
var MySexyGirlfirend =new Image()

//adding a custom property to the custom object verrucae
//First, create the custom object "verrcuae"
function verrucae() {}
var ItchyLeftFoot=new verrucae();
ItchyLeftFoot.nodules = 4;

A custom property added this way only exists for that instance of the object. If I were to spit out another instance of verrucae(), called ItchyRightFoot, for example, ItchRightCircle.nodules would by default return "undefined" until I go over the process again of first defining ItchyRightFoot.nodules, as with ItchyLeftFoot example above.

There are times when you'll want to add a custom property that's only reflected on a particular instance of an object, and times, when you just wished all instances of the object would recognize the custom property. For example, all verrucae objects have a default nodule count of 4, so it's reasonable to assume you'd like the custom property "nodules" to added to the verrucae in a way so that it's default across all instances of the verrucae object that you create. That's where the prototype methodology comes in.

The prototype methodology is here to help when you wish to quickly add a custom property or method to an object that will be reflected on all instances of it. To use it simply reference the keyword "prototype" on the object before adding the custom property to it, and this property is instantly attached to all instances of the object.
Consider this :

function verrucae() {}
var ItchyLeftFoot = new verrucae();
var ItchyRightFoot = new verrucae();

On the second line I added a prototype property to the object. So ItchyLeftFoot and ItchyRightFoot both have a property of .nodules = 4 without having to manually set it.

** Updated **
There is an important thing to take note at this point in our wander. While you are free to use the prototype object on any custom objects, this is NOT the case with some of the prebuilt objects. Whilst those lovely people at Mozilla allow you to prototype most if not all objects IE allows you to "prototype" those objects that can be created with the "new" keyword, such as Image(), String(), Date() ,Object() , Array(). So if your IE users start complaining that they are getting "Object does not support this method" error messages and your Firefox users are OK .. you will know what the problem is.

.o0(yes indeed I do know what the problem is.. IE is a heap of POO!.. short simple and elegant summation I think)

The prototype object can also help you quickly add a custom method to an object that is reflected on all instances of it. To do so, simply create the object method as usual, but when attaching it to the object (you guessed it), use "prototype" beforehand. Let's extend our verrucae object so it contains a default method that does something simple, like alert the discomfort of the owner.

//First, create the custom object
function verrucae(){}
//Then create the function you want to attach to the object
function v_ouch ({ alert('OUCH my verrucae has '+this.nodules+" nodules and it is very sore!')}
verrucae.prototype.ouch= v_ouch

Now, all instances of the verrucae object contain a ouch() method!

As mentioned before, the prototype methodology can be used on pre-built JavaScript objects but ONLY those created with the "new " keyword. Let's see an interesting example on how to extend the prebuilt String() object of JavaScript to include a method that writes any string as pig latin when called upon:

function v_pigMe()

var word = this.split(" ")
outp = ""
for (i = 0; i < word.length; i++)
thisword = word [i]
outp = outp + thisword.substring (1, thisword.length) + thisword.substring(0,1) + "ay "
//Attach custom method to string object

The above code may not look like much, but it just added a whole new functionality to the default string object - the ability to output any text in pig latin. Surely a bonus in this modern multicultural world?

** Comming Soon ** Fooling JS into the notion that it has classes.

Monday 23 June 2008

Getting intimate with Javascript objects part #2 - the modus operandi of methods

OK Gentle reader here we go with part 2 of this thread and tonight we will a closer look at methods. Now this has NOTHING to do with the way an actor analyzes deeply the motivations and emotions of the character in order to personify him or her with psychological realism and emotional authenticity (... och bless isnt he such a LOVEIEE!...) having said that Robert De Niro as Travis Bickle, need I say more?

... I digress. JS Objects and their methods. Put bluntly methods do things. They are just like ordinary JS functions except they are invoked through the object they are associated with.

Yesterday is said "You are not constrained when it comes to the type of Properties you can store in an object, any of the JS data types can be stored as a property in an object" ... remember? Well the other thing you can store as a data value is a function.
"No" i hear you cry "how do they do that?"
And I would reply, were you here "There were 2 people who knew, God and me, and now only God knows" so basically who cares, functions can be stored in the same way as data values! YIPEE! Ok so how do I "do" a method. Well lets look at this object.

var MyDingALing - new Object();
MyDingALing.LittleBittyBoy = true;
MyDingALing.SilverBells = "On String";

After this code has run in the memory of the browser is an object called MyDingALing
which has two properties LittleBittyBoy which has a boolean value of true and SilverBells which has a value of "On String" lets say we want to add a method to this object we do this

var MyDingALing - new Object();
MyDingALing.LittleBittyBoy = true;
MyDingALing.SilverBells = "On String";
MyDingALing.playWith = function() { alert("Ooh you naughty BOY!") }

To invoke this all you need to do is this

Oddly this code actually works click below

Now methods have one very very important property and it is this. No really it is this. Yes this.
Sorry about that... geek pun.The this keyword in JS is the hook by which we can refer to the object that contains the method we are processing. Consider this

....(sorry did it again but this time by accident :-) )

var MyDingALing - new Object();
MyDingALing.LittleBittyBoy = true;
MyDingALing.SilverBells = "On String";
MyDingALing.playWith = function() { msgText = this.LittleBittyBoy?" are ":" are not ";

alert("You "+msgText+" in possession of the correct Little-Bitty-ness!")

this.LittleBittyBoy refers to the value stored in that property of object that invokes the
playWith() method. For those of you going WTF is something?this:that; Well it is a short hand way of doing an if .. then.. else and it works like this
[test of something that will evaluate to true or false]?[true result]:[false result];

So if I set the LittleBittyBoy property to true what happens

and if I set the LittleBittyBoy property to false what happens

Exciting init?

Anyway that is how you DO JS methods on an object.

Tomorrow's wander will be around the busty statues at the bottom of the JS garden that are Prototypes and Inheritance.

I am putting out a feeler for a Notesbeer evening in Northern Ireland

Gentle readers particularly those in Northern Ireland

I was wondering if there is any interest in a purely social (pub 2.0) NotesBeer event in the near future. Admin guru and notes celebrity small person Paul Mooney thinks it is a good idea but just the two of us would be a little lonely.

If anyone is interested in a night out somewhere in NI, probably Belfast either reply here or drop me an email at the address in the top right hand side. You don't have to be a notes geek to come, everyone is welcome.


Sunday 22 June 2008

Getting intimate with Javascript objects part #1

Gentle reader,
This evening I am going to start a series of posts where I will have a little poke around JavaScript objects and Object-Oritented JS in my own weird manner. So for my non-geek readers it is probably best that you leave now - no one will think the worse of you if you do:-)

OK let the geeky fiddling and poking begin!

Objects are composite data types. There we go, RGQ (Required Geekiness Quotient) achieved, I managed to get the word "composite" shoe-horned into the first sentence! Mind you in the context of JS objects it is also very apt because a JS object is a composite object that clumps together lots of related values and functions into one unordered, named collection.

A. Creating Objects

Objects can be created with the new operator followed by the constructor function for the object

The most basic of these would be
var MyThing = new Object();
This object exists at the same usefulness quantum level as a "glass hammer" or a "chocolate BBQ" as it contains no properties and has no methods. Think of MyThing as the Paris Hilton of JS variables. Rather than an "it-girl" it is a "it-var", superficially interesting enough to take on one date, but the resulting sex tape would be crap.

Ohh slipped in some more Object Jargon there ... just so you know

The Values stored in an Object are called Properties
The Functions stored in an Object are called Methods

Moving quickly on, you are bound to have used constructor functions before, like these

var MyDate = new Date();
var MyNextHangover = new Date(2009,01,01)
are examples of creating an object that represents a date and time. You can do lots of interesting things with the JS date object which you can explore here.

BUT!!!!! just to make JS interesting ... you don't have to create an object using a constructor you can use the Object Literal method to create and initialize new objects. An Object literal is a comma-separated list of property-name: value pairs enclosed in curly brackets (or braces if you have to call them that) for example
var MyCockTail = {
name: "Sex on the beach",
price: 3.50,
type: "Fruity",
glass: "Highball",
garnish: "Lime Wedge"
Would create a JS object that holds the details of a particularly tasty if oddly named cocktail.

You are not constrained when it comes to the type of Properties you can store in an object, any of the JS data types can be stored as a property in an object. I emboldened that because it is important and I WILL be mentioning it again so it is best that you make a "note to self" now .. s'ok I will wait here while you do it


For example
var MyCockTail = {
name: "Sex on the beach",
price: 3.50,
type: "Fruity",
glass: "Highball",
garnish: "Lime Wedge",
mix: {
shotA: "2 x Vodka",
shotB: "1 x Peach schnapps",
shotC: "3 x Orange Juice",
shotD: "3 x Cranberry Juice"
This is the same as the previous example except I have added a new property to the object named mix which is an object itself containing the properties shotA,shotB,shotC and shotD.

B. Accessing ,Setting Object Properties and deleting a Property when you are done

OK got that now how do I access these things in my code. well that is dead easy use the period operator, period. .o0(oh the savage wit!) Seriously you use the . character to access the value of an objects property. For example using the MyCockTail object we created above we can pull out the name thusly :

So we could have a piece of JS that goes like this

alert("You have selected "" which is a "+MyCockTail.type+" drink")

Easy init? :-)

But what happens if if want to change the value of a property in code? That is easy, just set it the same way you would if it was an ordinary variable. like this = "Entirely innocent frolic on the beach";

Would make the name of the cocktail in the example above acceptable at a church social.

"But...", I hear the brighter of you ask "..what happens if i try to access a property that either doesn't exist or has yet to be set?" Well if you do this, a large boxing glove will materialize from the screen and get all Evander Holyfield with your nose ... I jest but dont' you wish you could do that? ... anyway all that happens is that the you end up retrieving the undefined value. For example


would result in the alert dialog appearing with undefined in it like this

"OK", the smart arse in the audience says "How do I delete a property?"

I look smug and reply "like this...."


but be careful this does not just set the value of to undefined. It deletes the entire property from the object. It is gone completely!

Ok that is enough for today ... in the next posts in this series I will look in more detail at rolling your own constructor method ,prototypes and inheritance, and how to fool JS into the notion that it has formal classes.

Back From Myrtle Beach

I have returned from the rather hot , but pleasant environs of Myrtle Beach, USia. Where whilst everything did not according exactly to plan. the general consensus that V8 was "kewl" and ".. when can I have it?". What was purely an application server up until now has been upgraded to V8 and a pilot team of users have been moved from "LookOut" to Notes and are giving it a "good seeing to" (as they say in Norn Iron). So for the only negative comment has been "ohh I can't drag and drop the addresses on an email like I could in ....." and if memory serves this has been addressed in 8.5

Other things I learned

American beer from micro brewers is good stuff!

There is a famous American pop-singer called Jimmy Buffet and he has lost his salt shaker- Who knew?

There is a pale green drink called a "Margaretta" which is very popular but needs salt to make it taste nice.. or so i am told. Hence the aforementioned Mr Buffet's inconsolable sadness at being bereft of salt shakers.

It is considered impolite to laugh at the "No concealed firearms" sign outside iHop.

There is a legal requirement for Pancake Houses to a have a beachwear shop on at least one side.

Almost the entire GDP of Myrtle Beach can be measured in TeeShirts, shorts, pancakes and beer.

Southern USian business meetings are basically 2 hours of Northern Ireland content which in America elongates to 2 days (eddy in the space time continuum perhaps? or more simply we heathen Northerners have to move faster to keep warm).

America ladies who say "You are cute ... you look like Shrek ... but you are cute"
are basically lulling you into a sense of security so they can metaphorically knee you in the nuts.

Hip Hip hooray and trice hooray! for Air Conditioners apart from the one in room 503 of the Hilton on Broadway at the Beach. Which had two settings ARTIC and ABSOLUTE ZERO and no noticeable OFF switch. This meant enduring the odd experience of wearing socks and PJs in bed whilst the outside temp was 90-100 degrees. I do love a good juxtaposition, but REALLY???

Back to work tomorrow ~sigh~

Time for a Coffee methinks

Friday 13 June 2008

Any one in South Carolina in the vicinty of Myrtle Beach fancy a NotesBeer (tm) evening?

Gentle readers in USia

If any of you are native to South Carolina and are nearby to Myrtle Beach next week drop me a line at my email or reply to this post and lets get together for a beer or two :) ILUG has put me in the mood for some more geeky chat, or for that matter any sort of chat. I will be in MYB from tomorrow evening until Friday :-)

Thursday 12 June 2008

Javascript event handling - a quick primer for beginners

Ok It has been a while since I had a techie slant to my posts. But this week gave me an excuse to dig deeper into the whys and wherefores associated with the JS event model which to be honest can be somewhat difficult to get your head around.

So if you are just new to javascript or have been afraid to wander around in the world of synthesizing events this post may be for you. Heaven knows I am a simple man replete with a complete set of simple pleasures (some of which are only legal in Kentucky) sadly the event model of the major browsers had passed me by, basically because most of the events I needed were already there so I just used them. However there comes a time in every geeks life when you have to hold your nose, ensure the drawstring on your coding speedos are tied on tight and just jump right in. Which is what I did this week when it became apparent that the order JS fires the events in was causing us accessibility problems. This is what I have learned ... and if one of the luminaries that might come across this post notices a fubar please let me know and I will correct it.

OK Event order

lets say you have two elements on inside the other like this (i'm using [] instead of<>)

[div id='div1' onclick='dothis()']
[span id='span1' onclick='dothat()'] Captian Carrot is Very Tall [/span]

Your user clicks on the SPAN tag contents .. which fires both the SPAN and DIV events

"Thats Fair enuff"i hear you say, but what order does it do it in? Would it surprise you to know that there are 3 different models, IE , Mozilla and in the middle sitting on the fence spitting on both sides is the W3C model. ~sigh~

Mozilla says that the DIV event fires first then the SPAN - This is called capturing

IE says that the SPAN event fires first then the DIV - This is called bubbling

W3C will capture DIV,go down to the SPAN then bubble back up to the DIV again

Fascinating init?

Now this is were you the web developer rip of your shirt, sling a bandelero of bullets over your shoulder and tie your "popular computing " bandana around your head and get all Rambo with your code.

The addEventListener([event to listen for],[code to run],[type flag]) method allows you to choose which model you want. The important bit being the [type flag] which is boolean and if you set it to true the event is set to capturing if false it is set to bubbling.

So lets look at

[div id='div1']
[span id='span1'] Captian Carrot is Very Tall [/span]

Note I have taken out the event handles from the HTML, instead I add them into the JS on the page. Like this


If the user clicks on the SPAN the following happens:

  1. The CLICK event starts in the capturing phase of DIV1 so

  2. The CLICK event on DIV1 fires namely dothis

  3. The event then shimmys down to the SPAN cos CAPTURE goes DOWNWARD
    and no more event handlers for the capturing phase are found.
    So the event then moves to its bubbling phase and there is a CLICK event so dothat() is executed.

  4. The event travels upwards again and checks if any element of the target has an event handler for the bubbling phase. This is not the case, so the event dies a natural death.
Now you could do this arse about face like this


Now if the user clicks on SPAN the following happens:

  1. Events start in the bubbling phase on SPAN1

  2. SPAN1's event is triggered and dothat() runs.

  3. Because Bubbling events go UP travel upwards -DIV1 is checked for
    for BUBBLING CLICK events.

  4. DIV1 does so dothis() is executed.
5. There are no more CLICK events registered on elements upwards in the doc so the event dies a natural death.

Now this is important .... bubbling or capturing will ALWAYS happen, that is unless you stop it.
If you wanted to stop the dothat from being processed after dothis you would do something like this to ensure that both major browser types stop were you want then to stop.
function dothis(e)
if (!e) var e = window.event;
e.cancelBubble = true;
if (e.stopPropagation) e.stopPropagation();
... rest of your code goes here ;

OK? Does that make sense?
I will expound more on events and the fun things you can do to mess with
your user's head in a future post.

Adulthood checklist - directed @ my sprog.

Okey dokey!

Tis nearly time for the McDonagh Sprog to make his way in the world as a newly fledged adult and whether he wants to or not he is gonna get a checklist which he will use from time to time to see how "adult" he is .. and this is it

01. All your houseplants are alive and you can't smoke any of them
02. Having sex in a single bed is out of the question
03. You have more food than beer in the fridge
04. 06:00am is when you get up NOT when you go to bed
05. You start to hear "your" songs in lifts in hotels
06. You go from 130 holiday days to 21
07. Clean jeans and a tee-shirt do NOT count as Dressing Up
08. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt
09. You start taking naps but claim you are "resting your eyes"
10. When you stop at the chemists it is for Ibuprofen and Antiacid not condoms and pregnancy tests
11. a £4.99 bottle of wine is no longer pretty good shit
12. You eat breaskfast food at breakfast time
13. 90% of the time infront of a computer is actual work not the other way around
14. You take your father out for a pint once in a while
15. You discover that nights infront of the TV aren't that bad.

Bugger I scored 5/15 , just goes to show ... :)

BBVAIA (Big Brother Vectored Advanced Information Anxiety)

F*&^&!!"ing £$-*&^%x and wil extra $%^&"*ly £&%^$ap!

Pardon my language but F**K!

let me put my cards on the table, I would rather have a drunk with the shakes shave my testicles with a cut throat razor than watch "Big Brother 9". This, more than any reality TV program is a steaming heap of shite freshly squeezed from the rear pointing sphincter of a dyspeptic aardvark.

No, you are right I don't like it, and I don't like it a lot!

For the next 13 weeks I am destined to observe colleagues, friends and family gradually be sucked into the dark maw that is Big Brother vectored Advanced Information Anxiety. This particularly nasty disorder is characterized by sweaty wondering if there have been any new developments in the Big Brother House while you have been reading the Big Brother House Web Site's resident doctor tell you in great detail how many house mates you need to have simultaneously sitting on one of the specially designed red Ikea Sofas so that you would have the same cumulative IQ as the amoeba that lives down the plug hole in the web cam enabled (with surround sound) Big Brother House Shower Room. The amoeba is, if anything slightly, more entertaining.

This is really NOT a good advertisement for the way we as people treat other people. "Britain has got talent", "I'm a Celebrity get me out of here", "I want to work for a fat bearded rich bloke who is rude and who has chubby hairy fingers" otherwise known as "The Apprentice",
"Pop Idol" and the "X-Factor" and heaven help us "love island"
[big breath]
When we watch this or any of that ilk , all we are doing is pointing and laughing at the fat, awkward kid with cheap glasses and scabby knees, because it makes us feel better that we are not him.

We have reverted to the days of The Bedlam where for a Farthing you could go and see the loonies paraded, dribbling and/or raving behind the safety of the bars of the asylum. All we have done is replace the bars with the anonymity of the TV screen or live web cam. We should be ashamed, I know I am!

PS and I hate Coldplay too!

Wednesday 11 June 2008

ILUG 08 - Graphic Novel - Part 1 The summoning

Obviously click on the weenies to make them biggies

.....and then the geeks started to
arrive at hotels, B&Bs. The throb
of expectation was as thick in the
as the clicking of keys as tweets
filled the twiterverse ....
... To be continued

Tuesday 10 June 2008

Sneak preview ILUG 08 "the graphic Novel" storyboard

Gentle reader ..... ILUG as we are all now well aware is over ~sigh~
However for those of you who couldn't be there or for those of you who missed all the good bits
the ILUG 2008 graphic novel is well underway and should be available soon.

The story boards are all done and the colouring in has begun ... watch this blog for developments
But as a taster here are two of the story boards...

Winkling to replace Replication and Synchronisation

T'was at ILUG that Marybeth told us that there was a certain level of confusion vis a vis Replication and Synchroisation cos one was not the other and vice a versa. Now ILUG is in the top 10 of the greatest assemblages of the biggest and best brains in the world. Now when those aforementioned brains come together with Guinness strange synergistic processes are released. It was in one such accidental discharge of genius that Marybeth's problem was resolved by myself and the Chapman Stick welding Thor of the Dominio world.. No more would we replicate .. no more would we Synchronise.. henceforth we would


Help desk ops will now have to ask "Have you winkled today" and "Was is a long winkle?" or "Go to you Winkleator page and click the Winkle button"

This has the advantage of being VERY memorable, users will be happy to Winkle regularly as it is a HAPPY word!

Admins will have Winkle-icks rather than Replication Conflicts to sort out

Ahhh the world will be such a nice place were we all Winkle our way to collaborative heaven.

Also in a secondary after shock of genius Ben has proposed that "Developing Domino Java apps in Eclipse" should be shortened to "Ferkeling" which will be developed in a side project in the near future!

Monday 9 June 2008

You may love them or loath them DO NOT ignore them.

Let me say two things

a) I hate the iPhone - I am middle aged, fat and about as "hip" as a turd in a swimming pool almost by definition I have to hate the bloody thing.

b) I have signed the petition here so that Apple perhaps takes notice of Domino and if you are a Dominoista I urge you to do the same.

Now for those of you surprised by this dichotomy. There is one simple reason I am falling in line and voting for the iPhone. The reason is this, that lump of shiny-must-have-ery is because it is very, very popular and I have no doubt it will cause it's competitors many sleepless nights.

We in the Domino world are at liberty to loath it but we ignore it at our peril. If to have an iPhone becomes an ipso facto badge that defines you as an Exchange user then it becomes set in the mind of all those folk in the shiny suits,nice tie and BMW 7-series parked outside "that" golf club that Exchange is better than Domino.

SO GO SIGN THE PETITION! Here is the link again

IBM are at worst guilty of a wee bit too much hype pre-LS of something "exciting" with the iPhone being imminent but at the end of the day the iPhone is Apple's baby. Apple have chosen the M$ bed rather than ours, so tis Apple, we the potential users, need to be directing our ire at.
DWA-ul is great but it is not "of the iPhone" and that is, i think , the crux of the problem. There are missing bits... address sync support, iCal support etc etc and these are important, (probably vital) but DWA will like the curates egg be partly good and partly bad, but as a result entirely spoilt by not having the cachet of being "proper" iPhone app.

So please go to the Petition above and sign it.. go to Grehawks' post, visit the alternate ways of making your voice heard and do it, do it now!

Please do not complain to Ed or the other IBM'ers, they know already! Apple perhaps doesn't know how many of us there are and how many of us are getting peeved!

Oh and I still hate iPhones!

What Philosophy do you follow?

Okey dokey gentle reader...I followed the link over here on Spanky's Place and it came up with the results below. Which came as no great surprise other than it more accurate than I thought it would be.

Not only that i was being all existential over on JonVon's blog as we delved the nature of what was real ...

What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03)
created with
You scored as Existentialism

Your life is guided by the concept of Existentialism: You choose the meaning and purpose of your life.

“Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.”

“It is up to you to give [life] a meaning.”

--Jean-Paul Sartre

“It is man's natural sickness to believe that he possesses the Truth.”

--Blaise Pascal

More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page...







Justice (Fairness)


Strong Egoism








Divine Command


Sunday 8 June 2008

Blog Birthday on the 6th - a respectably late rendition of Happy Birthday Blog

Wah Hey!

Me Blog was one year old on the 6th June!
I was off being geeky in Dublin so I missed it, however I did bring it a very fetching green foam hat and a nice bag, so it has forgiven me my indiscretion.
So without further ado ... here is a wee death metal funk latin disco chorus of that perennial favourite Happy Birthday to my Blog .. Please join in :)

Click Here

Find the Notes Guru in the Coffee Beans

In this picture of coffee beans there hides a man. The man bears a passing resemblance to either Alan Lepofsky or Ed Brill but that is of little import ...
Doctors have concluded that if you find the man in the coffee beans in 3 seconds, the right half of your brain is better developed than most people. If you find the man between 3 seconds and 1 minute, the right half of the brain is developed normally. If you find the man between 1 minute and 3 minutes, then the right half of your brain is functioning slowly and you need to eat more fish and steamed cabbage

If you can' be arsed click the button below

ILUG Music - If you are interested

For those of you that weren't there you may want to listen to the mixes that were specially commissioned for the starting session and several of the other ILUG sessions

So if you feel that way inclined here they are, see how many voices you recognise in (a) and (c) :-

(a) At the opening session
(b) At the start of Duffbert's session
(c) At the start of Rob Novak's session

Several of you will have seen the start of ILUG (The graphic novel) I am pleased to say that after a shaky start this is well underway and should be published on this blog in the next week or so.

(Names have been changed to protect the guilty)

Saturday 7 June 2008

In response to Paul Mooney''s picture of Coatsie's cupboard

Paul Mooney posted this picture of Coatsie's cupboard on his blog
And as Coatsie is too much of a gentleman to sully himself with a response I feel beholding to do so on his behalf... This is why his cupboards are the way they are..

** Please be aware clicking on this link does lead both to an explanation and a rather nice picture that would not be suitable for the eyes of minors or those at work **

ILUG 2008 - Self Confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings

Gentle Reader

This author is recently returned from his second sojourn to the "big smoke" to that wonderfully joyous explosion that is was and will be the annual Irish Lotus User Group conference.

The title of this post is a quote from Samuel Johnston that (a) underlines that I can on occasions be both erudite and witty when totally sober and (b) because it is so patently true!

I am loathe to pick out any of all the men,women and bunnies involved as they all combined to prove once again that it is possible to put on an event that is relaxed, informative and most of all fun! There is a throb to the event that remains constant over the years which for most if not all attendees will echo in their professional lives for a long time .... so to all the organizing team, sponsors and speakers... WELL DONE! A-PLUS , GOLD STAR, you are a resource beyond value to the notes ecosystem.

This year had 4 strands of sessions, which it has to be said meant that I didn't get to see all the ones I wanted to see. But those I did get to were all excellent.

Lets see some of the high points from the sessions I did attend. I have to say a big well done to Ben Poole and Mark Myers! Who managed to keep me awake with their "debut" session. Even if Ben was dressed far to respectably. However from the back row, where there was a critical mass of McDonaghs (Me and Rob) Had be worn a white coat there would have been a striking resemblance to "Beaker" or perhaps that was just something that crept into my mind because of the title of their session. Regardless of muppet references they managed to fill their session interest and humour ;-)

Mary-Beth on Notes 8.5 -- those Quickr pen drives smart, I must remember to wear a helmet during her perambles, that aside v8.5 looks to be making most of the right noises and a few more unexpected interesting ones.

Paul and Warren almost achieving the impossible and getting "Traveller" working only being beaten by a recalcitrant Orange Phone.

Duffbert giving me food for thought in his "plumber to painter" session, my apps will have to become better looking now! Oh and I even came a way with a really interesting book on CSS thanks to Duffbert's "Book Pushers"

Mary-Beth (again) and Andrew on Live-Text and Widgets .. this added to Julian "composite application" Robichaux speed-geeking session will provide much grist to the McDonagh Application Mill in the next few weeks.

Rob Novak on Dojo - fantastic .. much to chew over in the next few days!

Speed-geeking - Awesome and humbling to discover that Julian can speak for 5 minutes without apparently drawing breath AND his wife didn't bat an eyelid! Perhaps she knows his secret breathing orifice?

Speed-sponsoring - Marvelous! Truly marvelous! Sales People getting to the point QUICKLY!

Coatsie - What can one say? Balloon Animals and Toasted Bagels with microwaved cheese @3am a genius!

Bill Buchan whose previously undiscovered talent for Alien's effigy construction
allowed for the in absentia FUTILE exorcism of Francie to be completed under the gaze of a Notes Geek Moon. Bill's construction kinda looked a bit like someone we all know called Ed OR had we had Duffber's "Standard Big Red Plunger" a dalek ..... you really had to be there .. and if you were I do apologise)

So ILUG thanks for the opportunity to learn loads of new stuff, to rekindle old friendships and forge new ones, ooooh and to have a really great time..


See you all next year!

Sunday 1 June 2008

Does anyone know a John Connor? or What a Fecking stupid name

Is it just me or does the name of these satellites leave you feeling just a little uneasy?

Skynet military launch postponed

Grrrrr Bark Woof - (See post for translation)

1000hp/ton Ariel Atom 500 - Their First V8 - Ooooo!

(Clickon the image for some words cos i am rendered incapable of cogent thought)

Want one want one want one want one!
Want one want one want one want one!
Want one want one want one want one!
Want one want one want one want one!
Want one want one want one want one!
Want one want one want one want one!
Want one want one want one want one!
Want one want one want one want one!

Disqus for Domi-No-Yes-Maybe