Saturday 12 April 2008

Items of news you may have missed

  • Need a pee, why not pick up some culture while you are there.
Gentle Reader, particularly any of you that are near or close to New York, here is a chance to broaden your cultural horizons. I got an email from a chum of mine today just to let me know that he had a wonderful time watching thespians in a toilet in New York. No, this is not a euphemism! The play in question is "Ladies & Gents" written by Ireland's own Paul Walker and is currently playing to, well it has to be said smallish audiences in the Bethesda Fountain, Central Park, New York. The cast are said to be flushed with their success .o0(i should really apologise for that but i am not going to)

To quote the bumf "the play takes place in the repressed Dublin of 1957, a chilling tale of mystery and revenge set in the public toilets"

I am reliably informed that they have (a) given the toilets a damn good clean (b) Installed heating (c) Actively dissuade actors, audience and passing members of the public from , errrrr , performing during the performance.

In the interest of being odd and being able to say ".. yes i was there .." you should really go and see.
  • Shooting blanks in Madhya Pradesh.
The world is a crowded place, no doubt about it and getting more crowded by the minute. So full marks to the folks that run the Shivpuri district in Madyha Pradesh have "encouraged" chaps to get vasectomies by giving them a gun license. It would appear that having a gun is more important to the average Prasheshie chap than being fertile. It's an odd world and thats a fact.

  • Getting Jiggy with it in Singapore
On the other side of the birth rate is Singapore where birth rates have dropped off alarmingly. This may be because the Singaporean Authorities have law against it, they have a law that bans , prohibits or generally restricts and controls just about everything else. However there just aren't the little Singaporean Sprogs that there should be. So there is now a government course teaching them how to Flirt, analyse love songs, succeed at speed dating and how to impress ladies in chat rooms!

Boysadear! Now there is a good use of the tax SGP$ at work! I would gladly write the course material for that one. I can see it now.

Flirtation - It is very important to learn how to flirt properly. It is the art of tact and suggestion rather and an all out assault of direct propositioning "Yo big t*tS fancy a f**k?" is NOT a generally accepted good thing to say. Pay compliments, buy drink, make erudite and witty conversation and then say "Yo big t*ts fancy a f**k?"

Avoid Stereotyping - Women sometimes feel that all men want is to get them into bed. This is a just plain wrong. Given the right ammount of booze, most chaps will settle for the back of a car, behind the bike shed or in the loading bay of the local supermarket.

Foreplay - more commonly known as taking your shoes (and most importantly) your socks off!

Kissing - Many a feast of carnal excitement has been rendered yet another boring salad by fluffing up the Hors d'oeuvres. Just remember that it is considered impolite to kiss your partner as though you are trying to taste what they had for breakfast the day before yesterday.

I think I would be rather good and the presentations would be such fun to create.

Anyhoos .. Closer to home.. in Italy
  • Licence to lie for Italian women
The BBC reported that is was now perfectly acceptable for ladies to lie. Italy's highest appeal court has ruled that married Italian women who commit adultery are entitled to lie about it to protect their honour. It is reported that this landmark case was brought by a 48 year old lady from Porto Ercole on the Tuscany coast, and named only as Carla. She had lent her telephone to her secret lover, Giovanni, who then used it to call Carla's estranged husband, Vincenzo, and insult him and then lied about this to the police when questioned about the incident. Mind you the court that passed down this judgment is used to controversy as it once gave a ruling, later rescinded after protests from women's groups, that "... a woman could not be raped by definition if she was wearing tight jeans, since the jeans could only be removed with her consent." You do have to wonder ....


and now, although it has been around for a while can I ask to you stand in respectful silence for Anthem for the Geek (by the Deaf Pedestrians)



be safe, be happy, behave!
Steve

4 comments:

francie said...

My head..... is spinning....

Steve McDonagh said...

Francie
I'm not sure if that's a good thing or bad ;) I am of an age that thinks of Linda Blair when anyone mentions "head spinning". However all is not lost I have a cousin who is an exorcist if you are in need of one :)
Steve

francie said...

Oh you have no idea how much I DO need that...

Steve McDonagh said...

francie,
Alas he doesn't look like Keanu Reeves from Constantine. I wouldnt want to build your hopes up. he joined after this

I wouldn't apply not after they snubbed me so badly when I applied to be pope. ;)

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