Tuesday 22 April 2008

Just been to a "Focus on Gender" event

Gentle reader,
I have just been told that women and men are DIFFERENT. Now I know I am a geek but I like to think of myself as a "geek of the world" and that I am actually aware of gender differences and all the sexual equality stuff. Fascinating as it was the conversation over coffee was naturally about "being PC"
we came up with the following list that will perhaps be beneficial to those of you that wish to conform to the EU directive 2002/54/AC22-b#56 Non Provocative Language act

For the Lassies
1. She is not a "bit of a babe" or a "Chick" - She is a "Breasted Colleague"
2. She is not a "Screamer", "Moaner" or "Lassie" - She is "Vocally Appreciative"
3. She is not "Easy" - She is "Horizontally accessible"
4. She is not a "Dumb Blonde" - She is a "Pleasant detour from the path of normal cognition"
5. She has not "Been around" - She is a "Previously enjoyed companion"
6. She is not an "EEJIT- She is "Reality Impaired."
7. She does not get "Drunk" or "Pished" - She gets "Chemically Inconvenienced"
8. She does not have "big plastic titties" - She has "had a mechanochemically induced formation of a superior frontage"
9. She does not "Nag" you - She becomes "Verbally repetitive whilst maintaining a superior annoyance quotient"
10. She is not "pissed off" - She is "in a state of satisfaction deprivation"
11. She does not "need a bottle of vodka to sleep with him" - She does "love him absolutly"

And for the Lads:
1. He does not have a "Beer Gut" - He has developed a "Fermented Liquid Storage facility" or a "suede shoe protective awning"
2. He is not a "Bad dancer" - He is "Overtly English"
3. He does not "Get lost all the time" - He "Freely investigates alternate destinations using fuzzy logic"
4. He is not "Short,fat and Balding - He is in "Altitudinally disadvantaged, Circumferentially Gifted and has Cephalic Follicle Regression."
5. He does not get "Pished" - He becomes "Accidentally Horizontal"
6. He does not act like a "Total Ass" - He develops a case of "Rectal-Cranial Inversion"
7. He is not afraid of "Commitment" - He is "Relationship-ally challenged"
8. He is not "Always Horny" - He is "Reproductively focused"
9. He does not have "buns of steel" - He is "buttockly gifted"
10. He is not "ugly" - He is "under attractive"
11. He is not "messy" - He is "differently organized"

If you have any you wish to share, please do....


Carl said...

Bloody brilliant!

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