Sunday 6 April 2008

You want me to WHAT? - My induction as a Master Traveller in the Worshipful Brethern of the yellow

Way back here Theo Heselmans got all nostalgic about how he got into notes. I left a short comment there about my own introduction to Notes However that is not the whole story. So get your self a cup of tea (or a tequilla), pull up a chair and listen up for this is no word of a lie.

Twas late in the year of the lord Ozzie nineteen and ninety five and I was regularly sacrificing virgins every Thursday so that my RPG code would compile without a profusion of indicator errors. Sadly the local population was up in arms and waving nasty smelly torches outside the gates of the data center. They were a bit pissed about the virgin situation so the Baron suggested that a short vacation might be in order and as I was at that stage a real Kiss-Ass I duly absconded myself to a beach on Corfu and waited for the fuss to die down.

On my return I discovered to my horror that the chap that ran the cc:Mail server had been caught in a compromising position with a decollator, a deep fried banana (with toffee sauce) and a young female acolyte called Deirdre. Now eating bananas in the machine room is a very risky practice as bananas can carry a tremendous static charge and as we all know accidental discharges can lead to massive data loss. Given the severity of his crime he was taken to the ducking stool and soundly ducked until he confessed that he was an agent of the Dark Lord of Redmond sent to infiltrate our order with dissent and FUD.

Our Baron, usually a wise and thoughtful chap, summoned me to his chamber and gave me charge of the cc:Mail services adding that he had a cunning plan to be one step ahead of the Dark Lord. And low he did reveal to me his plan. It came in a yellow box and have the mystic runes LOTUS NOTES engraved deeply upon it. Yea didst my heart tremble before this magical artifact with it's promises of email AND RAD application support for verily it was the newly hatched version 4.

Long didst i labour and fret for getting one's head around it was difficult for one previously soaked in the lore of Sys34,36 and 38. It came as a surprise that there were no Virgins to sacrifice nor amulets to insert up ones nose before compilation. Yea was my heart and nostril filled with joy!

Having laboured hard the Baron recognizing my worth and moral rectitude didst arrange for me to be inducted into the Order of the Worship Brethren of the Yellow (PCLP and bar). I underwent the questioning, faced the terrors of the dungeon of the formula of @ and recited from memory the first 2 chapters of the epistles of the sacred Mooney on the correct manner of recertification of organizational units. My elders were best pleased and gave me my own desk with a new IBM thinking machine.

And that gentle reader is the way I did get the yellow!

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