Tuesday 15 April 2008

Zen and the art of modern travel

Gentle Reader,
I am off on my travels at the minute (upgrading a V7 server to V8) and doing the queue, sit, queue, sit , queue sit airport shuffle. So I am taking advantage of the free wifi to pass onto you a fable of deep philosophical importance. Like all fables it has a moral at the end of it. (The "modern travel" bit is cos i am travelling and the zen bit is me going "UMMMM" a lot as i write)

As I am travelling to the South west of England were you can find Tintagel and every "ye olde tea shoppe" is named after a knight of the round table. This tale shall be scribbled will a nod to all things chivalrous.

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the baron from nearly Wales. Sir Cumference, as he was known could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth,ideals and nice shiny sword. So, Arthur was offered his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. It was such a difficult question that Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

Sir Cumference, drew himself to his full width, which was excessive even by American standards,"Arthur" he quothed "The question must answer afore this year is out is....What do women really want?"

Now such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the Baron's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and blogged his quandry, setting up a poll. (He got vowe.net to host it cos it had more visitors) and asked anyone he came across, the princesses, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Now there was at that time, as is often the case a wise old woman who many considered a witch whose fame had spread far and wide. The results of the vowe poll (even though you had to vote to see it) showed that 82.657% of the people polled felt that Arthur should go and have a bit of a chat with aforementioned witch.

Now Griselda, for such was her name was famed throughout the land for the exorbitant prices she charged and Arthur has heart scared to go and have a chat just in case she wanted a price he could not afford. The 30th of December duly arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch.

"Mistress Griselda I am come begging a boon", said Arthur

"I know, I know, and I have the answer you seek " cackled Griselda " But you must agree the price first"

"If it is in my power and remit, so shalt it be" replied Arthur

"I want to marry Sir Lancelot because foresooth he has the nicest arse i have ever seen!" demanded Griselda

"WTF?" gasped Arthur, for Lancelot was his closest friend and beer drinking buddy and she was hunched back, warty, toothless, smelled of sewage and was prone to making the oddest noises from beneath he voluminous black dress. She ticked every "witch stereotype" box and a few that had yet to be thought of. Naturally being a man of honour Arthur refused to to force his friend to marry Griselda and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur .

"Arthur, mate nothing is too big of a sacrifice compared to your life and the preservation of the Round Table." said Lancelot who was prone to grandiose speech and gestures.After much arguing to and fro it was agreed Lancelot would marry Griselda. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

"What a woman really wants", she answered, "is to be in charge of her own life."

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, Sir Cumference granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a what he feared would be a horrific experience,
entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on
the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot choice is hidden below... But what is your choice?


Pedro said...

"WTF?" gasped Arthur

priceless! :-D

Steve McDonagh said...


Just incase my mother reads this and asks. WTF in medieval context is "What Tosh Foresooth"


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