Tuesday 8 April 2008

ILUG 08 a guide to Irish Idiom for our non-irish guests Part 8


Y0u may faced with someone, probably an American as this expression is common there, who in a fit of pique says to you, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' after a presentation that has perhaps bot gone as well as expected. This expression may be met with surprise by any locals within ear shot as we Ireland as we have a long and honorable Schitt family tradition and are intimately acquainted with the Schitts and all their doings.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt, an Austrian who emigrated to Ireland in the late 1800's

Awe Schitt then married to Ms. O. Merde, the daughter of the Franco-Indian fertilizer entrepreneur ,Needeep N. Merde

Mr Schitt and Ms Merde had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married his 2nd cousin twice removed from the "old country" Noe Schitt.

The deeply religious couple produced six children: Hollie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fullah Schitt,
Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, of the County Cork Schitts distant relatives
through the county Cork O'Schitt famiy. The most famous of these being the international cricketer Crock O'Schitt

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced as their marriage had gone down the pan.

Noe Schitt later married Edward Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted
to keep her previous name. She was then known as Mrs. Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married the exotic Chinese belly dancer Loda Poo, and they produced
a son with a rather nervous disposition who was rather cruelly nick-named Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout
childhood and subsequently married the Happens twins in a dual ceremony.

The Cork Inquirer trumpeted their nuptials on a front page spread entitled Schitt-Happens

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, Horse and Bull (named for his uncle) all of whom
except Bull are well respected politicians here in Ireland.

Bull Schitt, the black sheep of the family, left home to tour the world in 1984 after a close run
in with the police after a multi-million euro sheep rustling campaign in Co. Donegal. For several
years afterwards it was common when walking in a group of more that 5 to be stopped by the
Gardai and asked "Is This Bull Schitt?"

He was recently pardoned and has returned from exile in Italy with his Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

So ILUG traveller you have been warned! Confusion might ensue were you to use the expression
noted at the start of this post as quite a few of the local's may well know or at least will have heard of Jack Schitt.


4 comments:

Mary Beth rRven said...

ROTFL!!
I can hardly wait to meet the Schitt clan!

Pedro said...

LOL brilliant!

Perhaps we could have a session on this topic? Would fit nice into "Speedgeeking" ! ;-)

Esther said...

My dad had a t-shirt with this story (minus the Italian connection) on it back when I was a kid. It was a popular item at Spenser's, an "adult toy store" (no, not THAT kind of adult toy!)

Steve McDonagh said...

@esther
Shhhhhhh .. don't tell everyone they will all want one :)

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