Friday 29 February 2008

ILUG 08 a guide to Irish Idiom for our non-irish guests Part 1

I see from the buzz on the blogs ILUG 08 is going to be the glorious multicultural affair it was in previous years. Even for the natives attending, the odd conversation with a local can be difficult, as Oscar Wilde once said.."Britain and America .. two nations separated by a common language". So in an effort to improve the entend cordial I lay before you a short course in understanding the locals.

Greetings
Greetings are always accompanied or immediately preceded by the "head lift". This is a lowering of the chin and then raising like a slowish upward nod. Practicing this will not only improve neck muscle tone but helps dislodge stubborn ear wax. This nod is usually combined with one of the following greetings or icebreakers about weather or health.

Dublish

English

How's the craic [pron. 'crack] ?

Are you currently having as much fun as you can?

How's the form ?

Are you feeling at the peak of physical wonderfulness

How's it goin' ?

Are you at one with your place in the universe

Anything strange ?

Please divulge all the juicy details of your tryst with the lady i saw you with last night?

bout ya?

Are things in the environment you find youself in to your liking?

Hard at it?

Are you working hard

Well, is it yerself?

Ah yes i recognize you but i cant remember your name.

Yer luking well, are you sick?

You look to be in such good health it cannot be true!

Did ya see Mooney with that yellow and black yoke he was talking about?

Did you happen to catch the session with Paul Mooney where he told us about the yellow and black box whose name i cant remember at this time. (prob a Foundations Box)

Many conversations start with a query about the weather, a topic the irish are fascinated by

and is generally responded to with the single word "aye" and a nod.

Durty auld day

The weather is somewhat inclement today don't you think

Soft

Rain that you would hardly notice

Mizzly

Light Rain

Mizzly Pish

Slighty heavier Rain

Pishing

Moderatly heavy rain

Lashing

Deluge

Breezy

Storm

Blowy

Gale

Windy

Hurricane

'tis despera

The weather is absolutely awful is it not?


It is probably best to give, particularly our American first timeer guests, a rough guide to irish weather so they can pack accordingly.

40 degrees: Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Dubliners sunbathe.

35 degrees: Italian cars won't start.
Dubliners drive with the windows down.

20 degrees: People in Florida wear coats, gloves and woolly hats.
Dubliners throw on a T-shirt.

15 degrees: Californians begin to evacuate the state.
Dubliners go swimming.

Zero degrees: New York landlords finally turn up the heating.
Dubliners have the last BBQ of the summer before it "gets a tad cold".

10 degrees below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico.
Dubliners throw on a light jacket.

50 degrees below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Dublin Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough

173 degrees below zero: Ethyl alcohol freezes.
Dubliners get frustrated cos they can't thaw their Guinness.

297 degrees below zero: Microbial life start to disappear.
Dublin cows complain of farmers with cold hands

460 degrees below zero: ALL atomic motion stops.
Dubliners start saying "Is it just me or is there a wee nip in the air?"

500 degrees below zero: Hell freezes over.
Dubliners support England instead of Brazil in the World Cup.


Watch this space for Part 2 - Situations you may find yourself in .


8 comments:

tlbriley said...

As someone who lives in Florida, I think you've got it wrong. We don't put on coats at 20 degrees. We do it at 50 degrees.

Last fall, about half the crowd at a Jacksonville Jaguars Monday Night Football game had left by halftime due to the temperature unexpectedly plummeting to 45 degrees.

You would have laughed yourself silly.

jonvon said...

lol

omg, great stuff.

mcdonaghs@utvinternet.com said...

See .... see.. how easy it is, gentle reader to be flumoxed and banjaxed by the oddness and potential pitfalls of travel!

I forgot to say that the temperatures are in proper irish catholic nun blessed degress centigrade! Mea Culpa .... please adjust your wardrobe accordingly

Putting a coat on : 50C is....errr.....122F and i think even the sun kissed Floridians would baulk at coats when it is that warm.

Mika Heinonen said...

LOL Lashing=Deluge :)

But I think Irish people will survive even the Deluge, since anything which doesn't kill them makes them stronger!

And yes, Irish and Scottish are the same folk, some of them are immortals.

Thomas "Duffbert" Duff said...

Only one problem... Duffbert's a developer, and wouldn't be caught DEAD toting around any sort of server... :-)

mcdonaghs@utvinternet.com said...

@mika
Aye we are a hardy lot :-) and we are a bit like the Innuit except we have 101 adjectives for rain not snow.

@Duffbert
Oops ... mea culpa ... did i not see a picture of you looking stern and waving one of those yellow and black foundation boxes at LS ?
I retract the slur forthwith and will stick in Mr Mooney's name instead.

Come to think of it is a foundation not one of those secret lingerie thingamajigs that ladies who are circumferentially gifted wear?

Thomas "Duffbert" Duff said...

Now *that* foundation I'd be happy to hold... :)

mcdonaghs@utvinternet.com said...

@duffbert

LOL :D

Wouldn't we all !

**[slap]**
OUCH!

Ahh the perils of blogging in bed while your wife is watching the late nite movie and reading over your shoulder.

She thinks you look "cute" , well she married me so she does have VERY good taste.

Steve

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