Gentle Reader - get yourself a drinkie at the bar, pull up a chair, make yourself comfy and I will cast more pearls of wisdom for your education, edification and entertainment. :)
Irish Time
You need to concentrate now ... you will be told to set your watches to GMT when you arrive. "Simple" you say to yourself "Thats the same as London" but things are never as simple as they seem. It is a little known fact that Einstein has his first flash of inspiration for the Theory of Special relativity while sitting in the Front Bar of McDaids on Henry Street sharing a few "scoops" and the odd tall tale with Brendan Behan, Patrick Kavanagh, Flann O'Brien, J.P. Donleavy and Liam O'Flaherty.
Time as I am sure you are well aware is relative and can really only measured relative to another body. In Dublin time is affected directly by the body of conversations happening in and around it. Albert (of the sticky up hair) noticed this and postulated that the gravity well caused by "good craic" right there in McDaid's was of sufficient strength to elongate time ... He searched in vain for a piece of paper to which to record his discovery But all that was forth coming was an empty packet of Brendan Behan's cigarettes. On this he wrote the earth shattering equation
E = mc2
The same ciggie packet can still be seen hanging behind the bar.
Now what he actually MEANT was "the time of the (E)nd of the evening is defined by the number of (M)aarvelllous (C)onversations Squared"
As you will in no doubt discover "Closing Time" always happens at the same time on the bar clock but confusingly can happen at any time between 12:00 and 06:00am
You have been warned!
Sadly physicists every since have misunderstood the original intent of this wonderful branch of mathematics and wandered off to invent "The Bomb" and discover a quark called "Charm".
Religion
Considered by many to be a thorny issue best avoided. It is. There are two religions in Ireland "them" and "us". Don't worry about which one is which, if you are asked (which is very unlikely) just answer "I am an atheist, thank God" and change the subject to something less exciting.
Dublin Rhyming Slang
Like the cockneys in London, Dubs have a habit of using Rhyming Slang. This is rather confusing for the new visitor. The basic principal is that instead of using a word you replace it with something that rhymes with it. Take for example this sentence
"Look at Ed Brill, his jacket is black and yellow" would magically become
"Look at Ed Brill, his tin of fruit is black and yellow"
This alone can lead to some confusion .. however sometimes only part of the rhyme is used...which makes it 10 times worse.... consider this snippet
Person 1: Fancy going for a tiddle?
Person 2: Yes lets make it a Gary!
Person 1: OK what about the trouble?
Person 2: The Plates? ... nay problemo i'll tell her i have to pull a late at my corn
This translates to
Person 1: Fancy going for a Drink? (Tiddle from "Tiddle and Wink"= Drink)
Person 2: Yes, lets make it an all dayer! (Gary from "Gary Player"= dayer)
Person 3: Ok what about your wife? (Strife from "Trouble and Strife" = wife)
Person 4: The Missus (mrs)? (Plates from "Plates and Dishes" = Missus) no problem I will tell her i have to pull a late (shift) at my job (Corn from "Corn on the Cob"=Job)
If in doubt smile and nod and remember it is perfectly acceptable to make your own up on the spot and confuse us back.
Slaun
Steve
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