Duffy the Banana Slayer - Chapter 2 "The Journey Home"

In which we do not meet Nigel the out of work sarbannes oxley auditor and bus shelter attendant, Duffy has a Beatlemania flash back, Bill Buchans Knees make an appearence and we meet Gladys from the Sharepoint Coven


The group had been partying in the tea shops of south central Portaland. Tonight was the re-opening of the hottest geek club in town. The owner had completely remodelled the club in yellow and renamed it "Banana Daiquiri". No one actually knew who it was that now owned the club there were rumours of someone called Big Ed from Chicago who seemed to spend a lot of time in airports. Much Googling by the locals had turned up nothing of interest apart from a rather good article on knitting with seaweed by someone called Brill. Why he named the club the way he had was another mystery. Bananas were scare in Oregon lots and lots of Moose and few bananas, but everyone agreed, it made a pleasant change from "The Debuggers Break Point and Social Club".. and there, gentle reader we will leave the revellers and catch up with our hero.

Duffy pulled the collar of his coat up against the light drizzle that was falling and strode out into the dusk. He hated it when it rained! Being a short arse meant that he had to be careful near the deeper puddles particularly if he hadn't brought his water wings, which he hadn't on this particular night.

The Bus Stop was empty, which was odd. Nigel who had made the bus stop his home was no where to be seen. Nigel, a Sarbannes Oxley auditor who had been caught in possession of a sense of humour and had his auditing propelling pencil broken into seven pieces by a super secretive cadre called "The Auditorium" prior to being fired, kept the bus shelter clean and tidy. He had even gone as far as installing Free Wifi, coffee machine, floral curtains and a set of steps so Duffy could climb up to the seats.

Duffy scanned the nearby alleyway, nothing there but the worn out dreams of yesterday, yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away, but now it seems they are here to stay.. yesterday.

"Damn" exclaimed Duffy, shaking his head, "I am having another rampant Beatlemania flashback" The bite of a semi-dead beatle obsessed MS-SQL 2000 admin had happened over 10 years ago on a balmy karaoke night in Kimonos. The SQLombie had not taken offence at Duffy's part in the performance of "Don't go Breaking my Heart" By Elton John and Kiki Dee, but had been driven mad by the FLASH FLASH FLASH of the white.. oh so very white knees flashing neath the hem of his partner Will Bill Buchan's kilt. Such was the potency of the toxin in the bite, Duffy would break into spontaneous Beatle related thought processes. He also had an un-natural need to talk about "Inner Left Joins" when kissing his long suffering wife.

The rain continued to fall, the bus stop remained deserted and all of Portaland seemed to be asleep, but then Portaland always seemed that way. Which in itself was odd. A town planning screw ups back in the 1850's had sealed Portaland's fate because rather than build the town on a field called "Wibbleawonqucholicasqamish" which means in the local Indian language "A nice place to build a wee town field"  the founding fathers chose a field nearby called "Zolunquanobblefon gaffa gonwallopaonopee"  which means "Undead zombies live under the rocks build your town over there in the field with the nice name stupid". Over the years those "in the know" had come to realise that Portaland was in fact built on a rift in the space time continuum thru which reruns of "I love Lucy" and "days of our lives" leaked directly into the frontal lobes of the inhabitants during the day. At night.. OOOOO .. at nite Portaland lived up to the name the slayers used for it ..... HELLNOSE.

The party goers spewed from the Banana Daiquiri into the darkness of the Portaland night. Singing songs fueled by Hendricks gin, Guinness and cucumbers they staggered down the block towards Duffy and his bustop.

He heard them long before he could see them. He made sure his coat was buttoned and he had a firm grip on his stout stick for he knew like he always did that these were the spawn of the nose. Hag ridden denizens of the realms of Redmond who were riding high on the temporary freedom of a night in Portaland.

"They may pass by" Thought Duffy, but he knew they wouldn't they never did.

"Ah ha!" shouted their leader, a tall leggy blond called Gladys. "If it isn't The Slayer!"
She spat the words out as if the saying of them had soured her spit.

Duffy turned and gave her a withering look.

"You never learn Gladys do you. You Sharepointers are all the same you never have quite all the patches that make you run clean"

"So you think you are hard .... are you hard LITTLE slayer?   are you ...."

Duffy turned slowly, arms akimbo, "Leave Now, take your friends with you"

Gladys and Duffy stared at each other looking for a weakness and in that moment .... draw

Just then a Moose that was sneaking past let loose with a stentorian fart, as is common in beasts that eat a lot of roughage. Gladys winched for a second, that was all Duffy needed, quick as flash he had intoned the sacred words of the first paragraph of "Best Practices for Building Web Applications for Domino 8.5.1" and set on Gladys and her friends with a whirlwind of blows from his stout stick.

Soon all that was left was a pamphlet on Active Directory fluttering in the breeze and a faint but distinctive smell of Bananas

Duffy sniffed

Duffy still had it.. he IS the Banana Slayer!

The bus arrived, Georgina the driver and part time WWF wrestler nodded to Duffy
Duffy got on.. and the bus pulled away
Somewhere someone was playing the music from the end of "The Hulk"but very quietly so only the gassy moose noticed

Duffy the Banana Slayer - Chapter 1 "The Adventure Begins"

Where Duffy and his sidekick Privet are introduced to the reader and Matt White gets Dissed

"Are you sure this is a good idea Privet?" Duffy asked, peering at the screen

Privet laughed at the concern in his friend's voice. "It'll be fine, Duffy. It's a very simple xPages App. I won't mess it up."

"I don't know," Duffy said, unconvinced. "I'm just not sure you should be using fancy coding tricks to spice up your life." He thought for a moment, then chuckled. "I'm still not used to the idea that you *have* a life, come to think of it."

Privet gave him a glare and stuck his tongue out playfully. "You're just jealous cos I am tall and you are a short and look like a smurf"

The comment made Duffy think of Paul Mooney

Privet noticed, and dropped the grimoire He'd been reading on him desk. "Oh, Duffy, I'm sorry! I should have thought before I said anything."
He reached down and patted Duffy on the baldy bit on the top of his head.

"It's okay, Priv," Duffy assured him, dodging the patting which was really quite hard and rather unpleasant. "I'll be okay. It's just hard, y'know?"

"I know it is," Privet said. "I don't even want to think of how I would cope if an ILUG session crowd turned THAT nasty on me, and all because you mentioned Share....."


"SHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Don't even mention it! It was bad enuff for me but what about Bill?" Duffy exclaimed,

"What about him?" Privet replied, confused.

"I don't think they ever managed to remove that QUICKR memory stick!" Duffy said

Privet whinced at the memory and started to reply, and Duffy cut him off...
"You never spend any time with the debugger any more. You're always cracking code with no error trapping ... Commando Coding..." Duffy shook his head "Pretty soon you will be appearing in your OWN worst practices session at lotusfear!"

"That's not true!" Privet said, stung by Duffy's words. Duffy gave him a look, and he went on,
"Okay, I guess I am It's just... weird , Duffy. I've coded in LS since I was a young coder, but since xPages came along I feel like .... I don't even know LS coding anymore."

"And why do you think that is?" Duffy asked.

"I don't know," Privet said. Duffy gave him another look, and he sighed. "Okay, I do know. It's Matt White. Everything's been different since I took his xPages 101 session at IamLUG."

“Ah HA!” Exclaimed Duffy … “You HAVE been more than dabbling in the dark arts then?”

"I have not!" Privet cried.

"Yes, you have, Privet. .. i am sure I saw you muttering “Repeateo Controlleoamus the other day!"
Privet thought for a moment, then looked down at the keyboard, unable to meet Duffy's eyes.

"arse,...." He answered in a very small voice.

Duffy nodded. "Yeah," He said, softly. "arse indeed, Priv. You are nibbling away at the dark side's cookies and soon you will have NO time for Lotuscript and you will code nothing but xPages”

Privet shivered, remembering the undead double variable that had caused so much trouble with the POS application. "That was the last time.. honestly!"

"It had better be!" Duffy said. "because you know the next stage is a quick slide into CSS and then it will all be over!” Privet's head snapped up, and Duffy reassured him, "That's not necessarily a bad thing. It's natural for you to want to play with new things. But you can't forget the old, the Old Ways are important, too."

"Yeah," Privet agreed. "I know." He looked into Duffy's eyes. "Did Steve ask you to talk to me about this?"

Duffy smiled. "Yeah," He admitted. "He is an old fart but Steve and Bob B are the Arch prelates of the Old Ways and while they won't admit it, but they are worried about you"

Privet smiled back "I do miss the joy of DIM s as NEW NotesSession ... Okay, then. I'll throw a few LS Libraries together , I promise, and I will put them on OpenNTF too.”

"Good," Duffy said, climbing onto a handy box of Lotus 4.5 installation diskettes to shake Privet's hand. "Very good."

Releasing his friend, he asked, "Now, are you sure you want to do this code?"

Privet replied. "Oh, yeah, I'm sure."

"Do I want to know what it does?" Privet looked heavenwards, after a second Duffy went on, "That's a no, then. Just be careful, Privet. and no playing with the live servers or Eileen with have your guts for garters?"

"What do you mean?" Privet asked.

"ITIL Protection, that's what I mean. You'll make sure you're safe, right?"

"Of course, Duffy! I, uh, I did “Change Management for Careless Devs 101” only last week. I even stayed awake the WHOLE way through! And I always use... you know...", Privet Blushed Deeply,  "Lots of logging" his voice trailled off , embarrassed.

"Good," Duffy said, relieved. "And on that note, I'm outta time. I'd wish you luck, but I don't want to get that involved, and I have a bus to catch"

Privet laughed. "I don't blame you. I'll see you tomorrow, then."

"Good," Duffy said. Then he waved and left Privet alone with his code.

Privet smiled after him friend, then went back to sorting arrays using arcance and deviant tricks.

Irish Notes Geek in Israel - Jerusalem for a week any notes folk fancy a pint?

I will be finding myself in Jerusalem, Israel from the 25th-29th July and I seem to remember that there is an active Notes/Domino community in Israel. So if anyone wants to accompany a very pink (people tell me Israel is warm this time of year) Irish Notes Geek for a pint and a bit of a geek chat on one of evenings while I am there, drop me a line at mcdonaghs (at) utvinternet (d0t) com and lets collaborate socially :-)

NoteMan Saves the day AGAIN!

It is nice to give a product a "call out" once in a while and today is one of those days.

I had an app today where a unintentional download FUBARed exchange rates over a large number of records. Now I could have written an agent and fixed it that way however in my essential notes tool box I have a copy of NoteMan  and I was able to go into the app, created a collection of docs that needed changed , did the change, a quick "Compute with Form" and bob is your da's brother, docs all back at sensible exchange rates.

BRILLIANT!

Well done those nice people at Martin Scott and if you need a really shit hot notes swiss army knife to help you when things get "awkward" this is the one for you and will be money very very well spent.

Nerd Vs Geek a Taxonomy

Twas only last weekend when thwe Arch Bishopess of ITIL Ms Eileen Fitzgerald and her chums Clara and Máireád plodded 22 miles around the north coast of Northern Ireland. Many and various were the topics we covered in those miles. One of said topics was the great Geek Vs Nerd debate. Both Clara and Máireád mistakening thought that Eileen and I were nerds ... OH how we laughed at that one.

Eileen deffered to my age, experience and abilty to gesticulate in 6 languges only 2 of them human. When I had completed my explanation of the difference tween "The Nerd" and "The Geek" she implored me to write it down as the insights I managed to impart were largely unknown by the general population.

Firstly the Phyllology :

"Geek" is from the dutch "gek" which means Crazy, which indeed a lot of Geeks are.

"Nerd" is from Medieval Latinate "Nerdicticus" meaning spotty oik with a lot of different coloured quills

From a taxanomic point of view, Nerds are a sub species of Geek as you can see below

"Heavens to Betsy!" , I hear you cry "The scales are falling from eyes"

But caution and common sense must prevail for all is not as clear as it may seem in the world of pie charts and bar graphs. Teams of undercover antropologists from the University of Milton Keynes have , at great personal cost, spent the last 20 years inveagling themselves into the natural habitat of the Geek and Nerd.

A little known footnote on this work was noted in "What Do YOU think?" the UK trade journal of counsellors. The bill for helphing the researchers get through PISSED (Post iPad Sensory Stress Erecitle Disorder) could keep the average geek in coffee for 22 years!

Many years of work and peer reviewed sciency shit have shown that a geek is a person who has chosen concentration over conformity; one who pursues technical know how heavily spiced with imagination over mainstream social acceptance. Geeks usually have a strong case of neophilia, (they like new particulary shiney things)

Most male geeks are adept with computers but crap with washing machines and irons however the female geek is generally good with both. Most geeks can spell properly but chose not to, preferring the patois of the keyboard and the effusive melodrama of the emoticon.

A recent repeat of the classic 1987 experiement by Ross, McKenzie and Privett "Geekosity: flow charts and DTDs" proved once and for all the skewed nature of the Geek's ability to prioritise simple tasks.

Take 100 geeks an place in a hot, airless office with a difficult technical problem
Buy 100 iPads
After 10 hours let the geeks out and give them the following options
1. Have a shower and something to eat
2. Have an evening of gratuitious abandon with the partner of their choice
3. Play with the iPad

The results speak for themselves!

Nerds on the other hand, exhibit all of the above characteristics but have few extra phenotypic markers worthy of note. They keep their pens in a pocket proctector ordered alphabetically by colour. Levels of OCD are higher amongst the nerdish geeks, either compulsive tidiness offset by unreadable code or a complete tip of a work desk with really well laid out code is common. The soft very pale belly skin of both the female or male nerd will almost never have seen daylight and is reputed to be translucent. (The rarer ginger nerd's is both translucent and covered in freckles is a much sought after in the illegal skin graft black market)

Unlike their more socially adept Geek cousins, Nerds are inclined towards taciturnity everywhere but their Blogs, Facebook and Twitter streams. This lack of small talk builds up and up and up an up until at least once a year driven by an urge as old as time, Nerds and Geeks head for a "CON" This could be a TrekCon, a ComicCon or a User Group convocation. The little known Turing Gland swells as these functions approach and secretes a heady cocktail of endorphins, caffine and doughnuts directly into the blood stream. Like salmon the geeks and nerds will gather for a few days, perhaps a week and in a bachanialian orgy of excess expend all the pent up normality they have accrued through the previous months ... at the end of the "CON" period the Geeks and especially the Nerds will lie, gasping and spent on hotel recpetion sofas, easy prey for passing bears.

So the next time you pass a Geek or the more secretive Nerd, be nice to them .. they have had a hard life.

Offical Minutes of ILUG2010 Committee Meeting

This evening just after 10:30pm i heard my PC give the "Boink! you Have New Mail" noise and surprise surprise it was the minutes of the most recent ILUG meeting. Since they were silly enough to send me a copy I publish it here in a spirit of openness - I have redacted the names to protect the guilty.
 

Title: ILUG 2010 Committee meeting minutes 
Status: ** Top Secret ** Eyes Only
Date: Tuesday 1st June 2010, 21:00 hrs BST
Location: Various
.o0 ---------------------------------------------0o.
The chairperson having set in place the Rhombic Dodecahredal Encryption protocols called the meeting to order. However the rest of those present had forgotten that the meeting was meant to be top secret and as a result were treated to a what sounded like a chipmunk singing "Nessum Dorma" recorded after a big sniff of helium and played backwards in a tin box underwater in the sink of a caravan that was falling into a very deep well. The quorum of committee members scattered electronically to the 16 corners of the skypeverse agreed that this sounded perfectly normal for one so recently nuptualised.

Having sorted out the encryption to the satisfaction of the Senior Administration Mistress, iPad goddess and official dancing queen, normality was resumed and a roll call was taken. As it was an Irish LUG meeting this was done in Gaelic. ******* had primed ******* the English speaking xPages guru rather inappropriately and his innocent exclamation of "YES! my underpants are full of eels! Pass me a repeat control Vicar this one is spilt" elicited much teenage giggling from ********* and ****. The perpetrators were soundly told off by ****** **********.


Since a quorum had been reached the meeting was called to order.
This failed to happen as quickly as it usually would. A Bacardi Fueled Choir of Lego MiniFigs appeared to be doing something they REALLY enjoyed under a table but within reach of a microphone, however this delayed the meeting only moments.


The first order of business was audience participation. It was suggested that after "that" incident at UKLUG 2009 extra help should be sought in case someone got a body part stuck in a kettle spout again. It was suggested that ********** approach the usual emmergency provider who would at least know the name of a plumber with Xtreme ironing skills.

The next order of business was the fact that this years venue had heard of the problem when ******* presented at UKLUG and it was agreed by unanimous vote that should ********* present this year that the audience be supplied with adult nappies (or Diapers for visiting Americans)in the event bag. This, it is hoped, will lessen the chance of a recurrence of damp seat syndrome

It was agreed by a vote of 4 to 3 that a Fourth strand be added to the main 3. This would be the "Unlikely to attract a big crowd" strand. A review of the floor plan lead to the discovery of the perfect venue! It was therefore agreed that this strand would be held in the 4th cubicle from the right in the gents toilet. ******** had for some reason pictures of this convenient convenience (the reason for this was felt by the rest of the committee to be an avenue of enquiry best left well alone)


Next the thorny issue of session selection was discussed at some length. Eventually it was decided that the fairest way was to employ Colin the ILUG male chicken. ********** would print off the session abstracts and leave them on the floor of Colin's pen, those that he shitted upon would be accepted those he did not would be rejected. This would be henceforth knows as "The Cock Selection Process"

******* brought up the issue of uniform, he stated that he and *********** would NOT be wearing sponsored Mankinis this year unless ILUG paid for the full body wax which he maintains is not tax deductible as a business expense, even if his attachments were visibly smaller because of it.

The floor was opened for any other business and ******** who had been silent all evening raised his hand up. ********** was not impressed and asked ********* to remove his hand at once ********* apologised profusely explaining he really only wanted to be excused.


The next meeting is scheduled for last Friday when ********** will come and show us how to use the Calendar function in Notes.

Apple Fan Boys at the opening of an Apple Store (N Really SFW) - (or if you're a fan boy)

** Phishing Warning *** New style UK based Phishing scam

A new Phising scam arrived in my mother's mail box today, well new to me. Mother was rightlty suspicsious and didnt do anyhting until she had spoken to me .. the scam looks likes this

Dear Applicant:

Following an upgrade of our computer systems and review of our
records we have investigated your payments and latest tax returns
over the last seven years our calculations show you have made over
payments of £ 238.40.

Due to the high volume of refunds due you must complete the on line
application, the telephone help line is unable to assist with this application.
In order to process your refund you will need to complete the attached
application form.

Your refund may take up to 6 weeks to process please make sure you
complete the form correctly.
As we are upgrading our records we require the completed form
showing your full current details by May, 13 2010

To access the form for your tax refund, please click here

S. M.Roberts
Senior Manager
HM Revenue & Customs
------------------------------------------------------------------
© Copyright 2010, HM Revenue & Customs UK All rights reserved.

Those of you expecting rebates BEWARE!

A papal hat, a Sinclair Spectrum and a Wedding

OK a week has passed and I feel I have to document what happened exactly a week ago.

The ceremonial mega geek horn had been blown and geeks from the 4 corners of the geekverse converged on the fabled spires of Béal Feirste to wittiness the elocution of one of the brotherhood to the exalted status of "husband".

Posh frocks had been worried about, matching shoes and nail polish chosen and that was just the male attendees. Living just up the road in Cúil Raithin for me the trek to the festivities was a fairly minor affair complicated only by picking up the High Priestess of Bananas, small furry animals and Domino Serverdom at the magic carpet park. Oddly the aforementioned Priestess was not beset with the usual bad luck that seems to plague her travel plans and arrived on the muddy banks of Béal Feirste Lough on her chariot pulled by 4 wingéd puppies, a avionic turtle, a family of spiders and a flatulent goat - only 5 minutes late! (must have been the addition of the goat)

We gathered at the appointed "Pavilion of Deeply Serious Promise Making", this hostelry being both a shady spot to rest the more distant traveller's aches and pains and a place appointed by the powers that be as a place where Husbands and Wives are enjoined.

The bar rang to the myriad accents of Baile Átha Cliath, Béal Feirste, Cúil Raithin, misty Alba, Helvetica, and the far off semi-mythical lands on Aahh Mare Ika as much ceremonial ale was quaffed, celebratory wine sipped and the age old ceremony of "LookyLookyIHaveACOOLNewPhone" was observed with due solemnity.

Many were the tales I could tell of the sudden appearance of one geek or another as the evening wore on. Suffice to say noisy were the greetings and fulsome too. The evening drew to a close around 3:45 when the siren song of the bedrooms grew too loud to ignore and the assembled masses retired, expectant yet only partially able to walk, to bed.

The morning came, as it always does in Ireland, with not cock crow, but the sound of a myriad of geeks, their wives (or husbands) tucking into an "Ulster Fry" washed down with a small ocean of coffee and orange juice.

Bleary eyes and cottonwooled minds were berrocca-ed, showered, shaved and breakfasted in preparation for the nuptial ceremony at top of the clock. Around 11am there was a tension in the air as a 100 geek chaps tried to remember what a tie was for let alone how to affix it to the codpiece.

By Midday, the crowd was gathering in reception hall (with bar) and it has to be said we geeks had brushed up rather well even though we say it ourselves. many and various partners had with patience and love made sure that our hair was "just so" and that ties were tied, shoes shone and that we had hankies in the anciently appointed manner of "One for show, One for Blow", so we all took our seats.

The ceremony was as you would expect as perfect a match to Paul and Lynne as you could imagine. Lynne was as radiant a bride as you could wish for in many a fairy tale and Paul was ... was... was ... a very odd colour that didn't seem to affect behind his ears and who knew they made suits that small.

Mighty was the cheer that the assembled multitude managed when the celebrant lady didth quote .. "You are now man an wife" .. the clicking of Blackberries, iPhones and HTCs was deafening as the word was sent out to the Twitterverse

"It is DONE!"

The happy couple left the hall amidst much cheering! It has to be noted that there appears to have been "something" poured un-noticed from the ceiling as many in the crowd, reached for a Kleenex commenting "Damn something in my eye!"

The remains of the day where filled with laughter, balloon animals, a papal hat (that i will forever regret asking Coatsie for), speeches, a Sinclair Spectrum and the wonderful sight of the Geek Dancers waving their "Oh it's Journey and I don't have a lighter to wave" iPhone Apps joyfully in the air.

Paul and Lynne it was a wonderful wedding! :-)
We are all honoured to have been invited and we all man, woman and balloon animal wish you both every luck and happiness in the years ahead.!

I mourn the passing of Pithy Blog Comments :(

Recently there has been a spate of posts and ensuing comments that have highlighted the dumbing down of the standards of invective we use in tweets, posts and comments. I am quite frankly appaulled apalled .o0(feck!) shocked and we should hang our heads in shame, are the days of the brillance of posts on Alt.Barney.Die.Die.Die just a dim memory?

In an effort to address this situation i have added 25 pithy repostes below, feel free to use them in your own correspondance. Keep an eye on the news feeds as we will be organising several events thru the year culminating in a telethon so that the pith-challenged can be helped.

1. How about never...Is never good for you?
   
   
2. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
   
   
3. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
   
   
4. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
   
   
5. Ahhh...I see the total plonker fairy has visited you again...
   
   
6. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
   
   
7. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you are a genius
   
   
8. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
   
   
9. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
   
   
10. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and foolish.
    
    
11. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
    
    
12. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant and you really are a cock
13. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
    
    
14. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
    
    
15. Yes, I am an agent of ******* , but my duties are largely ceremonial.
    
    
16. No, my Lotusscript powers can only be used for good.
    
    
17. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
    
    
18. You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication
    
19. Are you a ray of sunshine every day?
    
    
20. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
    
    
21. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
    
    
22. Who me? I just wander from blog to blog
    
    
23. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
    
    
24. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
    
    
25. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits. 

Feel free to contribute your own pearls of dissmissive wisdom ;)

The Incredibly Strange Software Which May Have Stopped Living and Become a Zombie that wants to suck your brains out of your nose with a straw and do unspeakable things to your registry

Sorry Sorry Sorry I really couldn't help it .. that wasn't Notes .. but it is VISTA!

Mea cupla

Move on nothing but a BSOD to see here

My first impressions after a a week of HTC Desire ownership

... My Words can ge got over here ..

Sex, Violence, Courgettes and Server Admin

Yellowverse author hiding his light in the bargain bucket

Thank you Yellow Brothers and Sisters :-)

It happens to us all  , some FUD leaks in around the edges and gathers a momentum before you can react to it. It happened to me today in the form of "Notes is Dying!!!!! lets all go Google" normally it is a question of replying "No it's not, have a nice cup of tea and lets talk about it" and 30 minutes later all is calm and those that refuse to calm down are given a bit of the re-education cudgel  ;)

Today things got a little more out of control and I reached out to my chums in the Notes / Domino community who came back with advice, pointers and brotherly (and sisterly) support :) I got the ammo I needed to launch a broadside of my own and some 30 minutes later all is calm again.

So a BIG THANK YOU to all involved !

It is days like this that the word "community" in phrase "Notes Community" makes so much sense. :-)

New family blog

Just a heads up.. I have started a new non-techie blog for the McDonagh Clan over at http://slightlydoolally.com
I will keep up the techie particularly Yellow tinted posts here but all the "noise" i was infamous for will now be over on Slightly Doolally, so I might be able to reclaim a certain level of professionalism here ... no perhaps not.. ;)

Ohh my better half has started blogging as an assiociated Admin on Slightly Doolally, so if you do browse over ... please say hi to us both :)

Oh what a difference an S makes

Just comming into my blog and typed this http://doiminoyesmaybe.blogpot.com and ended up here.. just my luck..I have a german porn star as a doppleganger and a reglious site as a typo link.. hey ho!

My mother helps stop MSDS (Memory Stick Disappearance Syndrome)

We have all been there.. we are in a meeting or are called to a colleagues PC and we feel we really really need to share some file with that user. So out comes the memory stick and into the other PC it goes .. and as soon as the file is copied your prized memory stick just disappears... poof ... gone.

I have a theory that there is a eddy in the space time continium, the memory chips on the memory stick act as a strange attractor and becon the eddy towards the memory stick and once it get close enough it passes the event horizon and several things happen at once.
a) the memory stick is transported into a random person's pocket in Bangalore
b) you totally forget the fact your memory stick is not in your possession for 21.76 minutes
c) for those with good hearing you can hear a faint error of gadgetary smuggness

My ILUG 2009 stick disappeared in just such a manner, the ILUG 2008 stick came back having spent 3 months getting back to Europe by hitching a ride in various pockets until it arrived in our Paris office and rested for a further 2 months in a drawer in the IT desk.

I have tried many things to stop this happening with no great success. However this weekend having had to buy another 8gb stick from Argos I mentioned my problem to my Mother.

My Mother is many things but one of her lesser known talents is that of "Temporal Distortion Rectification Engineer" over the years she has been able to deflect wormholes with soda farls, absorb tachyons with in the meringue peaks of Lemon Meringue Pie and once even stopped an incursion of a pan dimensional tiddly wink contest slipping into our reality by squirting red hot marmalade from a pressure cooker in to rift that had formed in the ceiling.

When I mentioned my problem she knew immeadiately what to do and set to her task with a pair of pliers some jewellers wire and some beads of exotic material she happened to have in one of the drawers in her study. BOFITE, SPERRYLITE and ZINWALDITE arranged just so balances the attractive effect of the memory stick thus negating it's tendancy to vanish, is easier to find in your pocket, and has sort of a hippy chic quaility. As they say on Twitter #WIN #WIN #WIN

Kudos Mother!!!

Is "a" Sandwich a category error and can mayonasie dribble be accurately measured

I was sat in Ground Having the usual excellent Chill, chicken, bacon, roast pepper, cheese and onion panini with a white chocolate Moccha no cream (Well i am on a diet) Now it was pointed out to me recently when you buy a panini you are actually doing nothing of the sort! You are noshing down on a PANINO for PANINI is the plural.

Now it occured to me that a Ground Panino is a foot long and to fit on the plate the very nice baristas cut them in half. Does this not then make the contents of plate Panini ?. Similarly if you make a simple bacon, lettuce, fresh tomato, garlic mayo, onion rings, lardons, sun dried tomato in chili olive oil, roast peppers, parma ham, fried egg, pepper and reggae reggae sauce sandwich and cut it in half, either into a girly triangle or a more masculine rectangle, do you not then have 2 sandwiches?

Is there a definition of a sandwich that actually defines the parameters that makes a single sandwich?

After and extensive 2 minutes googling it would appear that two or more slices of bread stacked vertically (thus making a Big Mac a Sandwich singular) , usually buttered, each layer separated with a filling of meat, cheese etc.is a sandwich. So then what IS a slice of bread? Does half a slice of bread cease to be a slice and if it does what becomes of a slice when you cut the crusts off apart that is from becoming "posh" doubly so if the contents of the sandwich(es) comprise only cucumber.

Hmmmm I really do think that sandwiches need to properly defined.. we also need a name for the stuff that dribbles out of the side of a sandwich and splats over your shirt/tie just before your first bite, this really really needs a proper recognisable name and a SI unit to define the quantity of the same stuff that leaves. We can send people to the moon straped to a domesticaled bomb using the computation power of a Casio calculator so this should be dead easy peasy lemon squeezy .Who, I wonder will step up to the plate on this one?

Good Music, company and craic in the 90's @ the Beflast songwriters festival

Having spend the last 10 weeks in the purgatory that is the post Christmas anticlimax I decided that a bit of fun was in order. So I booked SWMBO and myself into the Dukes Hotel in Belfast for the weekend of the 6th Annual Guinness Belfast Nashville Songwriters Festival now that might sound a little bit too country and western for my taste and yes there was some C&W but we managed to avoid it :-)

I have to say that although I travel all over the world  it is seldom I feel I have to mention the quality of a hotel and Duke's wins hands down! Friendly and attentive without being intrusive staff, decent food, drinks at sensible bar and not arm and leg hotel prices, big well decorated and well though out room design. There was even an iPod dock with full surround sound speakers and a nice big well positioned flat screen TV with DV Recorder should you just not be able to miss Friday's edition of Emmerdale. Oh and a bathroom that has one of those automatic closing lid toilets and a monsoon shower of quite stunning efficiency!.

Anyway the festival - my famous cousin Andy White was one of the headliners and I thought it would be good fun to take a trip down and heckle from the front row as it transpired Val, myself my sister Janet her partner Mike my other sister Ruth, a close friend Carmel and my cousins Cathy and Allison and her partner and Andy's parents (my aunt and uncle) were in the front row @ the Black Box on Friday night.

Andy was supported by two other singer song writers John McGurgan from Omagh (who looks a wee bit like Jesus)  and Gavin Mee from Dublin (who doesn't look like Jesus) both of whom are excellent and well worth making a detour if you are near by any of their gigs. [Val wants me to add that Mr McGurgan is exceedingly good looking not that in any way should colour your judgement!]

The family duly gathered and Andy took the stage to much applause and some gentle heckling from the front row, well we had to get our money's worth didn't we? Now I have to come clean and admit that I have seen my cousin perform 3 times, once in the early 80's and then twice in the last 3 months, so I have been somewhat remiss in following the musical progress of my talented cuz .. mea culpa. He was all I was expecting and much much more :-) a fantastic gig, well done Andy!

Post gig as in the nature of these sort of events I got a talking to "non family" and i managed to get the email addy of a passing poet to join in Jonvon's circle of wordsmiths in will be interesting to see what she brings to the anvil of our creativity.

Falling into a taxi we headed back to the hotel with a minor detour to the festival performers post gig session in the Madison hotel. There various adventures followed some that will remain secret for the moment but may involve an act of community creativity .. we shall see. Now come a bit of name dropping ... we had a chat with Ralph McTell (over whom Val went a wee bit girly) nodded at Charlene Carter, said hi to Nanci Griffith, bout you to Iain Archer. Patted Henry McCullagh on the back and made some "interesting" plans with Anthony Toner it did seem that we were for once the odd ones out.. we were famous for not being famous :-)

Twas in the wee hours we made our way back to our own hotel and fell into the enormous bed.. ( That was Val and I doing the falling.. the aforementioned musicians were not invited, it was a big bed but not THAT big )

Up an about the next day, we had no plans so got up late, breakfasted and went for a dander into Belfast City Center. We ended up in St. George's market and spent a glorious couple of hours picking through the stalls, drinking coffee, avoiding eating from EVERY food stall and listening to the musicians playing in the "town square" in the centre of the pavilion. Fantastic and I STILL want to try the Nepalese potatoe, cauliflower,chickpea and broccoli curry so a return visit is definitely on the cards!

We wandered back to the Hotel  for 4pm so we could watch the Irish beat the English in the 6Nations rugby which was very very satisfying ! Shower Shaved and fed we went to another of the Belfast Festival gigs in a very nice pub called the John Hewitt This bar is unique in its ownership as it is owned by The Belfast Unemployed Resource Centre. The Resource Centre's managers had always relied on various grants to fund its work, when in the mid nineties, they came up with the idea of generating some of their own funds by going into business... And why not a pub! John Hewitt, the late poet, socialist, pipe smoker and Freeman of Belfast officially opened the Resource Centre on Mayday 1983, hence the name of the bar and if you are every in Belfast well worth a visit.. good beer, good food and a stream of good events.

Guinness, god bless their dark stouty loveliness, paid for the artists and the gig was free, so for the princely sum of £0.00 we saw, heard and enjoyed Sean Rea, Guy-Michael Grande, Paddy Taylor, Brett Perkins, Madeleine Slate, John McGurgan (OOOOOOOO he is soo tasty ! adds Val)  and The Corncrakes. All of whom came sang, introduced the next session and then joined the crowd for the craic. I spoke to most of the performers and to a man and woman they were all good people :-) I recommend all of them if you are nearby.Another late nite came to an end and we wandered our weary way back to the hotel.

Sunday - up and about late (again) and I had eggs Benedict for brekkie, now me and the pope don't get on but his brekkie is lovely! ;-) There being a few hours to kill before our next gig we hit the Ulster museum which has just had a major facelift and boy have they done a good job! Oddly the museum's Egyptian mummy has a northern Ireland name "Takabuti" which as any northern Ireland native will tell you means "Do have a sandwich" and that is a very very odd name for even an Egyptian mummy!

Post a light lunch and culture feast, it was down to St. George's market where the local Indian community was celebrating the Festival of Holi or the festival of colours. There was seriously good banghra music and lots and lots of people of all ages throwing vivid poster paint powder over each other.

After a quick supper in Wetherspoons, we dived across the road to the Ulster hall to be totally entranced by Newton Faulkner and his support Sharon O'Connor (a young lady we are BOUND to hear more of!)

After a brilliantly smooth and well carried off performance from one so young The main act took the stage and for the next 2 and half hours just blew the audience away.. This was a big concert with the feel of an intimate gig and the uninitiated were immediately converted. A fantastic night and a fantastic end to a weekend away that left both Val and I refreshed and revitalised!

If curling were easy it would be called Hockey

T'other nite I was chatting to Duffbert about the fine art of Curling
Which  rests vampire like in the popular consciousness for 4 years and
then explodes on the moonbeam of publicity that the winter Olympics brings.

All of a sudden the media is full of "houses", "Skips" "Stones" and "Ends"
However as my chat with the bold Mr Duffbert illustrated most people are
almost entirely ignorant of the noble game of Curling.

Curling was invented by the Scots, why it was invented is lost in the Myst's
of time, however any story you hear about the accidental tossing of a stone
pie case at a annoying child by old mother Kurl is a entirely the invention
of Alan Lepofsky.

The first recorded mention of Curling is in 1006 BCE in the Annals of Laird

Hector of Upurchufftery where he writes "I dinnea ken wut all the fash is a boot

yon was nay a burned stone in da sixeth end"

Twas at the 3rd synod of Niwanbyrig in the winter of 1232 BCE that codified the

rules of the game that would eventually become Curling. Initially it was called

"Fox's hat". It is said this was because the rings at each end looked a fox's hat

It has to be remembered that around this time there was a plague of foxes in the

lowlands of Scotland so King Ourwilie III decreed that all foxes should be caught

and made to wear a hat to give Scottish chickens a fighting chance.

It is recorded that this name fell out of favour after the priests complained to

the Pope about the skip's screams of "Where in the Fox's Hat?" during morning mass

on Sundays. Most of these priests were French and they misheard these screams and

rather than the polite enquiry the skip was making as to the placement within the

rings the priests heard an exhortation of disgust after a particularly bad shot.

The Niwanbyrig synod also made it a requirement for all players to be naked under

the playing kilt. This was to ensure that their ... errr.. dangley bits dragged on

the ice, thus making it much harder to be accurate. Dragging ones dangley bits on

ice is quite difficult and can only be achieved by getting really really low and

arranging ones legs in the now well known "curling crouch".

Scottish men then as now were usually gifted with a covering of coarse matted hair

the name "Curling" comes from the side effect upon the public hair of dangling

ones family jewels on the ice of the moat in mid winter.

Needless to say the longer you slid the longer your bits were in contact with the

ice. The best players could stay down for a long time and where known as "Hard Men"

hence the now traditional yells of the curler who manages more than 10 feet of

"HARD! HARD! HARD!" in doing so they are strutting their stuff and drawing attention

to the fact that they can stand the deleterious effects of the cold.

The brushing in front of the stone is to ensure that non of the previous opposition

players accidentally or deliberately dropped any pubic hair on the ice during their last throw. It is said the now legendary "Big Hard Mac" McMagillicuddy could shed his coarsest

scrotal hairs merely by thinking of his cousins prize pig Matilda. Which incidentally

is the reason the two black lines before which the stone must be released is called

he "hog" line.

Talking of lines .. the HACK is the starting block from which a curler pushes himself

off when taking a shot. It is called a HACK after the noise a curler makes when his

"bits" first touch the ice when the full crouch is assumed by the player.

It is not that uncommon to hear the word "tight" mentioned .. this comes from the

involuntary reaction of the body when bits are exposed to minus temperatures.. the

stone is "tight" when the thrower cannot suppress this reaction and tenses as he

throws.

I hope you enjoyed this historical introduction to the noble art of curling

Keep your brushes well stacked and your stones clean until the next time!

ILUG 10 Preperations gathers pace ... poster ideas

The throb of antipication has moved from barely noticable into "shit itis only 9 months away" mode. 9 month's eh? I have time to get pregnant and give birth before the crowds of the faithful descend on Ireland for another round of ILUGy excitment.

Here are a few posters ideas that may or may not be used

 

 

Access the clipboard in Javascript

Now here is a wee something I fell over the other day whislt trying to figure out a way of copy and pasting a text stream from a Turd© document to a text area on a form. It would be really useful to grab the clipboard contents .. do some RegExp replaces on it and then import it into the text area.

Well after a moment or two's research you can be done in IE and you have to tweak Moz browsers see here to allow it to work and on Chrome it doesn't work

function clipboardHack ()
{
     var content = clipboardData.getData("Text");
     alert(content);
}

You can also push any changes back using clipboardData.setData("Text",[changedtext]);

....and while I am at it, Ireland WTF?

... ohh and while I am at the keyboard and logged on to the blog ...What the hell were Ireland thinking yesterday? Jeeze I mean to say what is the point of me getting all prepared with loads of beer and crisps and the other accoutrements of 6 Nations watcherdom and then you sent the under 13's instead of the real international team?

Go home dig out the SKY+ box and watch the Wales vs Scotland game, now THAT was rugby at it's best!

Enthusions and Indifferons - The physics of not being arsed

It has been a while since I last sat at the keyboard to write a blog post of any kind and to be honest I think I reached the rubicon between "arsed" / "can't be arsed" and Julius Caesar like I marched resolutely in the territory "can't be arsed". Mind you instead of declaiming "ālea iacta est" (The die is cast) or something equally as memorable I think I may have sighed deeply and poured another cup of coffee.

There comes a time in every diariest's life where you start to slip into the "Sunday 14th - got up - had a shit, did stuff went to bed" mode. Samuel Pepys patron saint of bloggers even had his off periods noted by the torn out pages in his celebrated diaries.

Tuesday 12 February 1666
Up, and to ye office, where we didst sat all the morning, with several things (among others) discoursed with much fuming and exhortations to our two new assistant controllers, but especially Sir W. P, who is mighty troublesome in all things. Disporting as he is wont a unnatural desire for all things Outlook and distains a consideration of anything Domino. Such improcations really do skunder my pish.

Hey ho! As our French colleagues are wont to say “Plus ca change, plus ce la meme chose” and I think that is at the core of my general disatisfaction of late. Looking back over the past decade there is pretty much the same old same old coming at me from a variety of sources and to be frank which I know is unlike me.. it has quare an sucked the joy out of my professional and blogging life.

It really does come to something when a ranting old curmudgeon like myself can't be arsed even to vent some spleen on my blog and there has been plenty to rant about. I even let the descent of Iris Robinson - chief amongst my favourite targets for venom, pass by without comment.

The credit crunch's "layoff-phew it wasn't me this time-lay off" cycle plays not a small part in the consolidation of disatisfaction as does the fact that every time we hit a down market the amount of work seems to shoot up and desks start to pile up with projects stuck in the limbo of to much to do and not enough time to do it.

Getting up in the morning is hard when you know you will have to look at the interesting stuff you really want to do sitting stalled in the to do list purgatory whilst all the stuff that is made of whatever as yet undiscovered sub atomic particle that repels enthusiasm gets ever closer to your neck.

Hmm now there is a thought ... is there like positrons and electrons a particle for enthusiasm? The Enthusion and Indifferon ... depending on the make up of any given project should it emit more Enthusions than Indifferons it is a thing of wonder and excitment and vice a versa. I can see it now at project meetings, wave a special detection meter over a project and if it is a real dog just forget about it there an then, think of the time and desk space you would save! I think I will think more on this I could make a FORTUNE stopping NHS UberWanky Projects

;-) Later all

UKLUG Supremo and Arch Mandrite of Brick Related Workings makes the big time

Noterati, UKLUG and ILUG honco, and Admin Guru Warren Elsmore has been recognized by the Beeb for building above and beyond the call of duty ... undoubtedly well deserved fame! Well done Warren and although not mentioned [SHAME!] Kitty too!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/8493631.stm

A new 419 Scam arrived this morning and I just couldnt resist

Greetings people! It has been a while since i last posted , busy busy work work, you know the score. However I just couldnt help myself this morning when this popped up in my inbox

British Airways Authority(BAA)
Baggage Claims Unit (S506)
London Heathrow Airport
PO Box 5619
Sudbury Suffolk CO10 2PG



This is British Airport Authority (BAA), the world's leading airport
company. I wish to inform you that a box containing US$5.5 Million has been
received through our Heathrow Airport in your name as appeared on the tag
attached to the box. I have personally examined and scanned the box and
discovered it to contain (US$5.5Million). I decided to contact you before
sending the box to the UK's Customs for final scanning and official
reports.
In view of this, I am contacting you to ascertain the correctness of the
name that appeared on the tag and also inform you that the box has since
been deposited with the UK Treasury Insurance Authority at the airport for
safe keeping pending the outcome of this contact.

As soon as I hear from you, you will be directed to contact the
clearing/releasing officer.

I want you to contact me urgently on my private email at juddinn@sify.com
before sending the box to the customs.

Best regards,
Mr. J.Uddin
British Airways Authority(BAA)
London United Kingdom

Well this was a new one on me, so i felt beholding to respond in my usual efficent manner, so this was sent from a spoofed outlook account

Mr Uddin

I am contacting you because we in the Police Service of Northern Ireland VNB task force have been monitoring Mr McDonagh's activities and we believe you may be in danger!

We have been passed information from the police in Nigeria that MrMcDonagh may have nailed the testicles of a Dr Winston Woodogo (Barrister At Law) to his office desk in Sanya Street, Lagos and is now returning to Ireland by a circular route.

Mr Woodogo had offered MrMcDonagh a lucrative business deal but had not processed it fast enough and MrMcDonagh is a native of Carndonagh Co.Donegal an area not known for the placid and patience nature of it's inhabitants.

As I hinted at before we in the PSNI VNB Unit have been monitoring Mr McDonagh's activities for some time and we consider him a dangerous and very volatile individual who in the last 3 years has been responsible for inflicting several gential related injuries in sub saharan Africa which included the hanging a doctor by his foreskin from the branches of a sacred tree in Aruja.

We believe that the boxed $5.5 million may be the money MrMcDonagh recovered from the Mr Woodogo's scheme.Our colleagues in the Anti Terrorist Squad believe this money may be related to one of the Irish terrorist groups. Mr McDonagh is the quartermaster of the Royal Republican Sinn Fein Orange Perceptory Liberation Army splinter group unoffically known as the "The Culshie Army". This group was responsible for the great black pudding heist in August 2001 where the entire black pudding output of County Londonderry (some 1.75 million black puddings) where stolen and sold on the black pudding black market.

Consequently we would like you to forward us any correspondence that Mr McDonagh or any of his colleagues send you and urge you to never ever agree to meet McMcDonagh particularly if he invites you to a meeting in the Harbour Bar Portrush the scene of many of his most henious crimes!

Yours Faithfully
Inspector N.O'Toogerty
Commander VNB Squad
Police Service of Northern Ireland

I followed this up with the following email from my own account

You have my box?
What are you doing with my fecking box?
I don't like people fiddling with my box!
I get very cross when people fiddle with my box!
Give me my box NOW or suffer the consequences you scum sucking f*cker

I await developements

Oh and if anyone wants to join in .... his email address is barrkhonah@gmail.com

PS the VNB Squad = "Very Naughty Boy Squad" just in case you were wondering

Wee tip about automated agents that produce M$ word or Powerpoint documents

If you have a scheduled Domino agent (either local or server) that produces a Wurd or PowerPoint(less) and you suddenly start to see "automation errors" appear... start Wurd or PowerPoint(less) and turn off spelling and grammer checking.

Took me ages to figure out what was going on ... Wurd and PowerPoint(less) will send a message if you are running interactively saying something along the lines of  "You are a really crap speller and I have stopped because there are so many mistakes and I really think it is pointless going on" ..and if you run your agent asd a scheduled agent these alert boxes never appear :-(

This started happening when the Wurd/PowerPointless was upgraded to the 2007 version, so I assume that in this version the spelling and grammer checker gets all Prim and Proper about content unless you go into the options and turn the damn thing off.

The spelling mistakes were on corporate part numbers!

Bit of a problem with Firefox, Safari and FLEX uploads to a Domino Server

After much head scratching over an issue I had with uploads FLEX and Firefox, namely authenticated uploads work in IE but do not in Firefox i have discovered the cause. As described by Jake Howlett over on his excellent CodeStore site FLEX uses a class called the FileReference to get and then upload the file or files the user selects.

The problem comes in that for some reason Firefox does not sent the DomAuthSessId cookie over in the header.. for example here is a header receieved from FLEX from an authenticated session using the FLEX HTTPRequest object.

*** New Request -- Parse and Check Request: Session 7, Thread 1ba4, Clock 1602816
GET /econtent/AC_OETags.js HTTP/1.1
Host: www.atuin.com:81
User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (Windows; U; Windows NT 6.0; en-GB; rv:1.9.0.15) Gecko/2009101601 Firefox/3.0.15 (.NET CLR 3.5.30729)
Accept: */*
Accept-Language: en-gb,en;q=0.5
Accept-Encoding: gzip,deflate
Accept-Charset: ISO-8859-1,utf-8;q=0.7,*;q=0.7
Keep-Alive: 300
Connection: keep-alive
Referer: http://www.atuin.com:81/econtent/econtent.html
Cookie: DomAuthSessId=47F0EA4947495C8C4C6E9FAF6665CD73
If-Modified-Since: Thu, 05 Nov 2009 00:07:20 GMT

and here is the next header received by the server from FLEX again running on Firefox in the same session using the FileReference.upload() method

*** New Request -- Parse and Check Request: Session 8, Thread 7c4, Clock 1617184
POST /econtent.nsf/Gallery?createDocument HTTP/1.1
Accept: text/*
Content-Type: multipart/form-data; boundary=----------GI3ae0Ij5gL6ei4KM7GI3ae0Ef1ei4
User-Agent: Shockwave Flash
Host: www.atuin.com:81
Content-Length: 8644
Connection: Keep-Alive
Cache-Control: no-cache

As you can see no DomAuthSessId.. and what happens well the Domino Server does what it is meant to do, it sends back the Logon screen to the Flex program. In case you are wondering this data was obtained from my server using the following Server Console commands prior to test running the FLEX

tell http debug thread on | off (default level)
tell http debug postdata on | off (for client POST data)
tell http debug responsedata on | off (for server response data)

Now this is a major FUBAR and it is odd to be complaining about FF and not IE but there you go. It seems FF starts an entirely new browser instance to do the FileReference.upload() hence the no DomAuthSessId being passed.

However all is not lost you think, the FileReference takes a URLRequest object and it has the ability to be coded to load the Header with values should you need them. Well yes it does and you can set any number of values in the URLRequest object BUT and it is a bigh BUT Flex ignores them, so there is no way out that way!.

Nothing I have tried to date allows me to use the pre-authentication of the browser instance my flex is running in to send a file to the server via the FileReference object. FECK! and yet it works perfectly in IE8 (a fact which is particularly galling) it is FireFox (and from my testing Safari) that are the problems on this occasion and it holds true for Flex 3 and Flex 4 and from my browsing of the Adobe site not likely to be acknowledged as a problem let alone fixed any time soon.

So far the only work around I can come up with is to spawn out to a standard browser child window upload the file there using a Domino File Upload control and then use an external JS function to talk to the parent flex program when the file sucessfully uploads.. which is a bloody pain in the arse!

The whole situation is not helped by the Domino server not liking a standard POST method of getting data from the client to the server..

Anyway there you go .. back to the head scratching

It seems the modern bible is a Nasty Namby Pamby Liberal construct

LOL this is priceless... and was passed to me by someone who thinks it is a "good" idea and loudly applauds it. I was [thankfully] speechless when he told me because I would have been very very rude had I actually read it at the time he told me about it.

The link I got is here ... however in synopsis

.. As of 2009, there is no fully conservative translation of the Bible which satisfies the following ten guidelines:^[2]

1. Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias
2. Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other feminist distortions; preserve many references to the unborn child (the NIV deletes these)
3. Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level^[3]
4. Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms to capture better the original intent;^[4] Defective translations use the word "comrade" three times as often as "volunteer"; similarly, updating words that have a change in meaning, such as "word", "peace", and "miracle".
5. Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction^[5] by using modern terms for it, such as "gamble" rather than "cast lots";^[6] using modern political terms, such as "register" rather than "enroll" for the census
6. Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.
7. Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning
8. Exclude Later-Inserted Inauthentic Passages: excluding the interpolated passages that liberals commonly put their own spin on, such as the adulteress story
9. Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels
10. Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities; prefer concise, consistent use of the word "Lord" rather than "Jehovah" or "Yahweh" or "Lord God."

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL... Free Market Parables..makes me think ...todays reading is from the Book of Friedman Chaper 2.

Yea Verify .. and the Lord was asked by a grower of Peas ..."Rabbi the Romans doth want to extract a levy on the benefit I get when I put Donkey Poo on my Peas where for should I do?" and the lord answered thus 
"My son a free market describes a market without econmic intervention and regulation by governement except to regulate again force or fraud. The Romans being foreginers and slow on the uptake could not find their arses with both hands, 10 slaves and a scroll, but for now sucketh it up and give them their due, for come the reagan administration they will be first against the wall"

Now this is an interesting a site - Multicolour Search Site

Now this is an interesting site, it takes several colours you choose and then presents you Flickr images that contain those colours. Now when trying to get a "scheme" for a web site that combines colours or uses what you believe to be challenging colour combinations this is rather useful as you can see if they do work and if the "real" world uses them too.

Mlticolr Search Lab

Carl Sagan Day

Ah well a little late on the ball for the blog, but it is the week end and I was doing other things. Yesterday Nov 7th was the first Carl Sagan Day celebrating what would have been the eponymous scientist's 75th birthday.

Carl Sagan was one of my hero's as a teenager interested in all things scientific. One of the few "big" books that has followed me from house to house and has survived several "clear outs" is "Cosmos" and as my own small part in the celebrations of the day I re-read several of my favourite chapters.

Belated happy birthday Professor Sagan! You are missed!

Pope Benedict the Anglicans the Guardian and married Priests

I was in a conversation the other evening about Pope BendyDick's recent repeated offer to the Anglican communions that should get get all annoyed, cross and fuming over the fact that someone who naturally has a uterus and no willy be made a bishop can come and be Catholics. Now the offer is open not only to Anglicans one at a time but aslo for full congregations including the priests, now this poses somewhat of a problem for those priests that are Anglican and are married.

Now the Guardian is a paper I seldom readm but it usually is reasonably up to speed on the idea of research however one of the people I was in conversation with made the comment when I brought up the problems of being married and a priest retorted that "Well I read it in the Guardian they could be married", She would not be swayed in her belief, something that is in the Guardian is to be believed more that the internal rules that govern the Catholic Church .. aka "Canon Law".

For all you Guardian readers out there who may have read that and are now defending the idea that the Catholic Church has done a U-Turn on this policy .. here are some facts the Guardian missed.

Up until 1139 all the clery could be married (Infact 39 popes where offically married). The Second Lateran council changed the rules. All existing priest marriages were declared invalid and future priests were required to maintain celibacy.

Celibacy as defined by the 2nd Lateran council is quite rigidly defined (in Latin) Priest are not allowed to be married or have sex with females, males, self, animals, etc... it makes an interesting and funny if it were not the document that sentenced the priesthood to centuries of misery really for no good reason other than they didnt like sex getting in the way.

The Church resists to this day married priests. For a priest to legally get married under canon law he must be granted a special dispensation to release him from the rule of celibacy, (in fact if a priest wants to have an offical period of "self love" he needs to have this permisson as well)

However the process to grant the dispensation and the actual wording of the dispensation are problematic. When applying for the dispensation a priest must put together a lot of paperwork. Part of the paperwork almost requires him to say that he never should have been ordained a priest in the first place.

The document that grants dispensation from celibacy is called "a rescript", and it includes wording that says the priest loses rights to
1. the clerical state
2. loses his office of priest
3. is no longer bound by the duties of the clerical state.

The priest is then allowed to marry under Church rules.

However, the rescript wording also includes a prohibition of exercising any sacred ministry. Thus the priest may not participate in a parish as a lector/reader, eucharistic minister, or any functions of a deacon or priest.

So, when Anglian priests decide to jump ship and are all ready married will all of them have to apply for and get the dispensation? Yes if they want to stay offically married then yes they do.

The canon law that applies is number 1394 which is

"Without prejudice to the provisions of can. 194, ß1, n. 3, a cleric who attempts marriage, even if only civilly, incurs a latae sententiae suspension. If, after warning, he has not reformed and continues to give scandal, he can be progressively punished by deprivations, or even by dismissal from the clerical state"

However there is a "get out" rule in Canon law 1335

"Provided it is not reserved to the Apostolic See (the Vatican), a penalty which is established by law and has been imposed or declared, can be remitted by the following:

Provided it is not reserved to the Apostolic See, a latae sententiae penalty established by law but not yet declared, can be remitted by the Ordinary in respect of his subjects and of those actually in his territory or of those who committed the offence in his territory. Moreover, any Bishop can do this, but only in the course of sacramental confession."

So basically as long as no-body says anything and the priest do not apply for permission to be married and the See does not declare or impose a "latae senentiae" then everything is fine, the priest remains as he was before, cept he is no longer lonely in bed.

Aint it grand to see the high-heejin-god-bothers being clever?

So in answer to the the lady who queried me on why i believed Anglican priests cannot remain married, No they can't if they want to follow the rules of the organisation they belong to, they will become "latae senentiae" if they do.
But if they want to just keep on going and ignore that particular rule then they can, but you do have to then question any stand they make on Abortion, Divorce etc etc etc, which are also against canon law.

Another case of "Do as I Say not as I do" from the men in the funny frocks!

My Cousin Andy on stage, on CD an in Print

Just back from the "big smoke" (or Belfast if you prefer) where my cousin Andy White orginally from Belfast has just launched his book to a crowd of native Norn Ironer's including myself.

I am just home with the new CD and Book and both are worth a listen and a read.. You can find details and a few tracks over on his web site.

You can find the CD "Songwriter" on amazon but there  is only 1 left!!! It is not on iToons yet , but keep and eye open if you like your music thoughtful, melodic and with good lyrics Cousin Andy is just the ticket!

The Book is called "21st century Troubadour" (and is a damn good read!!!) and isnt available on line as far as i can see but you can get it off his website (i think)

Here is his last Video If you want it sung with Allison Russell from the Canadian Band Po'Girl

Thinking of a new career

It comes to us all from time to time, general malaise, dicomfortature with the day to day slog and a feeling of dissatisfaction with the way your life is progressing. Well today was one of those days for me. Rather than sit around moping and being grumpy which is my usual recourse at times like these I decided to mark today with a potential change in direction career wise. Get a little more £'s in the pension pot and all that. So having had a look in the "Sits Vac" I think I may have found the next career jump for yours truly .. President of Europe.

Blair seems to have ruined his chances and there is no dead certainty for the post that comes up next year.
I think I would be perfect for the job so I went off and found out who is the Irish representative on the European council, got her email address and sent her this message.(Click for a better view)

I hope I can count on your support when it comes to lobbing the powers that be.


I am off now to register DominoYesMayBe4President.org and McDonagh4President.org.

Later All!