This evening just after 10:30pm i heard my PC give the "Boink! you Have New Mail" noise and surprise surprise it was the minutes of the most recent ILUG meeting. Since they were silly enough to send me a copy I publish it here in a spirit of openness - I have redacted the names to protect the guilty.
Title: ILUG 2010 Committee meeting minutes
Status: ** Top Secret ** Eyes Only
Date: Tuesday 1st June 2010, 21:00 hrs BST
Location: Various
.o0 ---------------------------------------------0o.
The chairperson having set in place the Rhombic Dodecahredal Encryption protocols called the meeting to order. However the rest of those present had forgotten that the meeting was meant to be top secret and as a result were treated to a what sounded like a chipmunk singing "Nessum Dorma" recorded after a big sniff of helium and played backwards in a tin box underwater in the sink of a caravan that was falling into a very deep well. The quorum of committee members scattered electronically to the 16 corners of the skypeverse agreed that this sounded perfectly normal for one so recently nuptualised.
Having sorted out the encryption to the satisfaction of the Senior Administration Mistress, iPad goddess and official dancing queen, normality was resumed and a roll call was taken. As it was an Irish LUG meeting this was done in Gaelic. ******* had primed ******* the English speaking xPages guru rather inappropriately and his innocent exclamation of "YES! my underpants are full of eels! Pass me a repeat control Vicar this one is spilt" elicited much teenage giggling from ********* and ****. The perpetrators were soundly told off by ****** **********.
Since a quorum had been reached the meeting was called to order.
This failed to happen as quickly as it usually would. A Bacardi Fueled Choir of Lego MiniFigs appeared to be doing something they REALLY enjoyed under a table but within reach of a microphone, however this delayed the meeting only moments.
The first order of business was audience participation. It was suggested that after "that" incident at UKLUG 2009 extra help should be sought in case someone got a body part stuck in a kettle spout again. It was suggested that ********** approach the usual emmergency provider who would at least know the name of a plumber with Xtreme ironing skills.
The next order of business was the fact that this years venue had heard of the problem when ******* presented at UKLUG and it was agreed by unanimous vote that should ********* present this year that the audience be supplied with adult nappies (or Diapers for visiting Americans)in the event bag. This, it is hoped, will lessen the chance of a recurrence of damp seat syndrome
It was agreed by a vote of 4 to 3 that a Fourth strand be added to the main 3. This would be the "Unlikely to attract a big crowd" strand. A review of the floor plan lead to the discovery of the perfect venue! It was therefore agreed that this strand would be held in the 4th cubicle from the right in the gents toilet. ******** had for some reason pictures of this convenient convenience (the reason for this was felt by the rest of the committee to be an avenue of enquiry best left well alone)
Next the thorny issue of session selection was discussed at some length. Eventually it was decided that the fairest way was to employ Colin the ILUG male chicken. ********** would print off the session abstracts and leave them on the floor of Colin's pen, those that he shitted upon would be accepted those he did not would be rejected. This would be henceforth knows as "The Cock Selection Process"
******* brought up the issue of uniform, he stated that he and *********** would NOT be wearing sponsored Mankinis this year unless ILUG paid for the full body wax which he maintains is not tax deductible as a business expense, even if his attachments were visibly smaller because of it.
The floor was opened for any other business and ******** who had been silent all evening raised his hand up. ********** was not impressed and asked ********* to remove his hand at once ********* apologised profusely explaining he really only wanted to be excused.
The next meeting is scheduled for last Friday when ********** will come and show us how to use the Calendar function in Notes.
