Wednesday 20 August 2008

Bog Snorkeling 101

Gentle reader I was most disappointed to discover early this evening that the ancient and honorable sport of Bog Snorkeling is not more widely known. I suppose I should not really be surprised. Year after year our pleas for inclusion into the summer Olympic Games are met with either a polite "no" or the more usual "ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" ~sigh~ but we bog snorkelers are made of stern and hardy stuff and suffer the slings and arrows of a disbelieving public.

So for those of you that do not know what bog snorkeling is here is a a brief introduction.

A 60 yard trench is dug in a Peat Bog the trench is allowed to fill with water and then competitors must complete 2 lengths of this trench in the shortest possible time. They must wear Mask, Snorkel and flippers and cannot use a conventional swimming stroke. Wet suits are optional but only the really hardy do it "skyclad". There are the associated sports of "Mountain Bike Bog Snorkeling" and "Bog Snorkeling Triathalon" but these should only be attempted by the expert Bog Snorkelers.

As I alluded to at the start of this post, bog snorkeling is an ancient sport that traces it's history back to the time of Queen Gwendolyyn the 26th. Now it is said and who are we do gainsay it, they the reason that there was not a Queen Gwendolyyn 27th is because that particular dynasty died out because Queen Gwendolyyn 26th was really really really ugly and had a temper to match her vomit inducing look. Tis said her nose was that misshaped that it curdle any milk in a 200 yard radius. She had one eye that looked at you and one eye that looked for you ... I am sure you get the mental image. Sadly Queen Gwendolyyn was unmarried and childless. (yes I know this paints Irish males as cads and bounders but we have never denied that we are not) On her 40th birthday she arose in a really bad temper and decreed that the women of Ireland should give up sex for the rest of the year. (Her Birthday was in July!) She based this on the fact that if she was the Queen and she wasnt getting any they why the F**K should anyone else.

Needless to say the situation became bad quite quickly and as a result of extreme sexual frustration men took to looking at sheep for some romantic trysts. Sheep took to standing at the far end of fields and keeping out of the way of people. So to sneak up on the sheep men took to swiming up the ditches on the sides of the field.... and thus Bog Snorkeling was born.

Once a year,in July we celebrate the memory of Queen Gwendolyyn by carrying on the tradition of creeping up on sheep. Happily there are no sheep involved anymore (apart from in Wales)

Norn Iron Bog Snorkeling

and below is the Norn Iron Bog Snorkeling Video from 2006

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