Saturday 28 March 2009

Preparing for UKLUG in Edinburgh - a guide for Sassenachs and non Teuchters

UKLUG is approaching, OK it is in October (on the 8th and 9th to be exact) so it is still a small dot on the horizon of the Yellowverse some 194 days away. If you are planning on going I would advise you to get your skates on and apply now, for rumour has it that the places are filling up fast and "wait-listing" is not that far away!!

So nip over to now and get your name down as an attendee or for that matter if you feel the urge to share some of your knowledge submit a session abstract ... I have ... but more on that nearer the time.

Last year I tried to prepare our more distant Noterati Colleagues travelling to ILUG for the Irish Culture Shock Syndrome with a series of blog posts. As ILUG is taking a well earned rest in 2009 I might as well do the same for UKLUG.

Now UKLUG is happening in Edinburgh, capital of Scotland home of the kilt, haggis, deep fried mars bars, bagpipes, whisky and golf. Now there is a scurrilous slur, probably started by the English, that folk from Scotland are a bit miserly. In fact is has been said (usually from a safe distance across the border) that Scottish folk are that tight with their cash they squeak when they walk.

THIS IS NOT SO! They are just "careful"

For example you may have heard of this occurrence at LS09

Four noterati went for a drink after Lotusphere in Orlando.
They turned a corner on the Boardwalk and see a sign that says, 'Old Timers Bar - all drinks 10 cents'.
They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The barman says in a voice that carries across the room, 'Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, Gentlemen?'

There seemed to be a fully-stocked bar, so each of the men ordered a martini. In short order, the bartender serves up four iced martinis...shaken, not stirred, and says, 'That'll be 10 cents each, please.' The four men stare at the barman for a moment. Then look at each other...They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.

Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying,"That's 40 cents, please.' They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They have each had two martinis and so far they have spent less than a dollar. Finally one of the men says, 'How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?'

I'm a retired tailor from Boston ,' the bartender said, and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I won $125 million in a Lottery and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a, liquor, beer, it's all the same.'

Wow!!!! That's quite a story, says one of the men.

The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice a group of other people at the end of the bar who didn't have drinks in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there. One of the martini drinkers asks the bartender,

'What's with them?'

The bartender says, 'Oh, they are the Scottish Lotusscript developer caucus They're waiting for happy hour when drinks are half price.'

This is UNTRUE it was actually the English Home Counties C-API and Embroidery Group!

Appendix #1 Index to Scottish Words in this post

Teuchter - (pronounced Chew-ch-ter) a person from the north of Scotland

Sassenach - (pronounced Sass-en-ack) a person not from Scotland usually English

Disqus for Domi-No-Yes-Maybe