Monday 1 December 2008

The Agony Aunt Spot -The Thorny Matter of Pointer Size Pressure and Quantum Chickens

Dear DominoYesMayBe HELP!

I am an iSeries developer and I have a problem with my enormous pointer size.  My colleagues giggle behind my back and strangers point and laugh when they see me. I am very depressed.

Please help iSeries Geek
PS Sienna Millar... why?

Dear iSeries Geek

Stand proud! Let the world see your 16 byte pointer and let them bask in its teraspaced loveliness. You can be secure in the knowledge that those that laugh, smirk and make your life miserable are in fact suffering from intractable Pointer Size Envy.  Pity them, with their measly little 8 bytes flopping around in their parameter space! 

As to your query about Sienna Miller - Why not I know I would.


Dear DominoYesMayBe

I have a problem that is causing me nights of lost sleep
What came first the chicken or the egg?

Island Girl

Dear Island Girl
Rest easy! The answer is explained by the Quantum nature of chickens. The men with large brains and well starched white coats in CERN when  not trying to destroy the world have found evidence that Chickens exist at two quantum levels.

The chicken (or Gallus Gallus as we swots like to call it)  is in the same taxanomic group as Schrodingers Cat. Simply put the chicken shows Quantum Decoherence, as you (the observer) approach a chicken/egg complex it is flipping between it's quantum states. The wave funciton that describes the chicken/egg will then collapse in a therodynamically irreversable way into one or the other. It has been postulated that this collapse is effected by the theoretical "ommlette" force. This force acts on the Chicken/Egg complex and forces the resolution of a wave collapse that will result in an egg. When this force is not present the wave will collapse into a chicken just in time for you to observe it. 

The blinking monks of western nepal have developed a form of yoga that allows them to observe the chicken/egg wave complex in its unresolved form. However their technique involves learning to blink 15,000 times a second so this should not be attempted by the laity.


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