Wednesday 5 January 2011

UKLUG 2011 - Meeting #1 Jan 5th 2011 @ 8pm - The Adventure begins

Those assembled :
Warren "Dictator of the Minifigs" Elsmore
Kitty "The Receptionator" Elsmore
Paul "Leather Clad Biker Joy Boy" Mooney
Steve "German Porn Star" McDonagh
Bill "Hoots Mon Me Bollox are cold in this Kilt" Buchan
Mike "Tickle Me Turtle" Smith
Eileen "Tigger with a clipboard" Fitzgerald
Rob "Ooops where is the floor?" Novak
Matt "Captain xPageo" White
The meeting was called to order by Mr Elsmore at 8pm who put it to the committee that the first order on the agenda was that there was no agenda. Ms Fitzgerald was so shocked that she created a list of her her toys categorised them both alphabetically by name and cross indexed them by size and weight, forced them thru a bubble sort and then threw them, in the correct order order out of her pram.

Put to the vote the committee passed a motion of no confidence in the non agenda mainly to stop Ms Fitzgerland throwing Tigger out of the pram. As Mr Buchan noted this was a health and safety issue as the aforementioned Tigger Soft Toy was many many times bigger than Paul Mooney. It was decided by a majority that instead of a non-agenda that there was an quantum agenda which conforming to Heisenberg's uncertainly principal we could know there is was but not what was on it (or vice a versa) at the same time.
Mr McDonagh drew a picture of a Schrodinger's cat in a box and this distracted Ms Fitzgerald sufficiently so that Mr Novak could hide the rest of her Toys behind a picture of David Tennant.

The first item discussed on the non-spatially apparent agenda was the "theme" for UKLUG 2011, many and varied suggestions were posited by the committee but there seems to be some life in "UKLUG 2011 : The Crayola Conference" which arose from Mr Smith who had fallen asleep in the corner so we poked with a stick to get  his input and as he rose, tousled haired from his dreams of world dominioation he muttered that we as a committee could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, while others are bright, some have weird names, but we have to learn to live in the same box. The committee will debate this idea further as it seems like a good metaphor for collaboration and it would be a nice bit of themed (and not terribly expensive) tat for the in bag giveaway.

That lead us to the appointment of the most important role of "UKLUG Tat Tsar" (or Czarina) the usual  rounds of xTreme Rock-Paper-Scissors were not required this year as someone has "THE" pictures from ILUG 2010 and is not afraid to use them. Their appointment remains top secret because the world is not ready for pictures/video of certain lotii doing ...  errrr .... things in Marybeth's cloak.

Moving on .. UKLUG ... it was decided will have an infinite number of tracks. There will be Admin, Dev, Management, Sponsor as usual but each of these will be subdivided into a recursive array of "virtual" tracks. Mr Novak is in charge of these Virtual Tracks and has Promised that Mr Robichaux and Mr Krantz will not only have a Quickr Place ready but a Symbian, Blackberry, iPhone, Droid and WinMo app so that the worried conference attendee will not have to bend space and time to work out what session is on when.

Mr White was voted in un-opposed as "Snoopy Matty Squirrel - the web site pimp"

Mr McDonagh was tasked with ensuring that the minutes were not made up like he had for ILUG cos it can look TOO professional  (as if I would).

Ms Fitzgerald wanted it noted in the minutes that "DAVID TENNANT WAS NOT GETTING MARRIED NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!". Mr Buchan provided the distraught Ms Fitzgerald with a Kleenex.

Ms Elsmore then steered the conversation back in a geekward direction with some well chosen words about accommodation near the venue, availability, room rates, proximity where all high on the list of must haves along with a decent bar and snacks available until at least 4am.

The discussion then turned to key note speaker and in a move away from a geek speakers UKLUG may be opened this year by someone who may well have once drunk in the snug of The Rovers Return in Coronation Street with Ena Sharples, however such stardom is expensive so we cannot say to much just yet.

The meeting reached the 26 minute mark and it was noted that this was a record and it would have been had the meeting ended there, it didn't. What we discussed next is so ultra sensitive that I cannot even minute it for fear of starting the Loticopalypse! Needless to say there was much ZOMG!!ing and WTF??ing and some tittering from Mr Buchan and Mr McDonagh (but they can't really help it)

Before the meeting closed it was put by Mr White that it should be mentioned that the UKLUG night is getting closer and should be "biggied up" because not only will it be a WHIZZ bang affair BUT ALSO  he, the LDC chappies and Mr McDonagh are raising some $$$'s for a damn fine charity with some works of art.
So get your hands in your pockets spend $10 and get a ticket for the draw here!

With that the meeting fell into disorder and some of us went off to do rude things with a set of cushions and yogurt..... (Ooops sorry Paul was I not meant to minute that?)

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